I once knew an Urlacher

I adore you. Thats all I have to say. Absolutly adore. You're the ONLY person from Humboldt that has always treated me with 100% respect, and I can never thank you for that. :,)
Thanks for making me feel important, when no one else did. You're straight up, and down to earth, and I'm so jealous of your mantality. I think I can handle stress; you got me pretty beat. I've only seen you cry hard once. and it was for something you were so passionate about, and even though I was on the fence about the decision, I cannot help but praise you for your overall composure and how you handle most things like an adult. I believe in you more than I believe in myself, and I cant wait to see you acutally become an adult women. I know you'll do awesome in everything you do, and I'm already so proud of you.
I want you to see yourself through my eyes. I want you to look at yourself and instantly have the confidence to do whatever the fuck you want. You're one in a million; you may not notice, but others strive to be like you. You're independent, and creative. I want you to make a site for your poems, because I know damn well that your's are better than mine...haha
I know this is a little off topic, but hug your mom more. She raised you SO right, I don't even know what else to say about it. Learn how to cook that bomb ass food, and get those muthafucking scholarships!
I still love thinking about all the hockey we've played, and all the songs we've rocked out too... Times like that are never able to be taken away.
The only time I can ever really say that I felt like we werent close was during softball...I know I probably said/did some shit that pissed you off, and I'm sorry. I get a little blindsided when I'm scared of someone getting hurt. (Even myself) but I now know that you really do look out for yourself, and the only person who knows Katelyn best, is Katelyn herself. So again, I'm sorry for trying to take too much control over anything you did...
In closing, I want you to know that I will ALWAYS consider you as a little sister to me. If you need anything, I'll be there, and I'll be willing to help until I cant anymore. All I want is to see you happy, and to see you make it. To finally feel accomplished, and to finally be able to sit back, see what you've done, and admit to yourself, "I created this. I did this. I'm a beast."
Believe in yourself, like I believe in you. Its hard, but your blonde little head can do it. ;)
LOVE YOU.<3

RayyyChill

Lets start this like this; seriously?
Thats about the only word I can think of. For months now, I've written these blogs to express emotion, and frustration I've had on the entire world. With that being said, I have not been able to come up with anything for you, until right now. When I'm working a 16 hour shift...(thinking time much?)
I remember first meeting you. PROBABLY in your front yard, and you were petite, with glasses. Such a nerd. You would draw me pictures, and you seemed to think so highly of me. Which I never wanted to take advantage of, thus I tried to ignore it. Small talk here, and small conversations there. Funny how things change huh?
I was excited when I first saw you in the hallways of your freshman year. You were my bestfriends little sister; I wanted to look out for you. I think the first time you really opened up to me was about MARIO... You were so caught up. NOT IN A BAD WAY. I mean thats the first time I personally saw you passionate about something. And throughout the years, I've seen it more and more. You're a driven person, and I love it.
Now the sad part; The last year, I told you EVERYTHING. I trusted you so much, which I'm still trying to figure out why I felt so comfortable with you to open up as much I did. When everyone decided it was "Blow up on Kayla" day, I think I probably cried the hardest with your texts; and you know what...I wish it hadnt been that way. The boys yes, treated me wrong, but for someone who I would drop anything for to try and make you feel better, I just didnt understandd how you could take every flaw of mine and throw it back in my face. However, I understand where you were coming from, and how I'm like 99% sure you didnt mean to hurt me as bad as you did. I feel as if Iknow you, and your personally pretty well. I mean lets be serious, you are a Pisces. ;) I respect you for what you said (I still have all the texts saved). But I wish you could have just came to ME, rather than 3-4 other people.
I'm the type of person who would rather forgive than forget, as you should know, and I still think about our times everyday, and still look for the TWT mobile out and about, so I was never ready to just give up. The only reason why I finally quit trying to impress all of you was because I felt like I was left for dead. But I do miss you. I do care about you. I do still want you in my life, because its like the positives outweight the negatives (sound firmiliar?)
My only warning is this; I'm not putting myself out there for anyone again like I did to you for a long time. I want to start over with you, and I want to build ontop of disaster. You're still my Taylor Swift singing partner [I havnt listened to a full song since our fight :,( ]
ANNNDDDD lets me honest. I really fucking miss Chuck. straight up. Oh and I have a shit ton of your movies! I'd love to sit down, have coffee, and just talk. We dont have to be perfect, but I'd like to try to work on things. We both have so much going on for us, where I think we wont turn into an unhealthy relationship again. I feel like we can get back on the level we were when we were Happy. Happy as friends. NOT constantly trying to figure out how the other one feels about anything that was said. Not having to worry about the views of OTHER PEOPLE. Just you and I. Thats what friendships should be. Just the two people involved.
I'm thankful that you facebooked me. I've thought about you almost everyday, and have had to hold back typing you a letter. But I have been planning on writing this blog for you, so HAHA you're stuck with it. ;)
I'd like for you to think about everything, and hopefully you dont still think so poorly of me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving in. I've realized that you to me are worth a blog dedicated to you. I feel like you're one of the few people now who are WORTH my acceptance and respect.
I'll always be here for you. Lastly, I love you like a little sister, and I'd love to see you soon. You're an amazing girl, and I like watching you accomplishing goals. Can we make this work? You have the digits ;) Or just facebook me. Whatever.

Two Stars

Two stars
You and I
So far away
But so close
I just want to talk to you
Within the dark sky
All I see is
You and I
No others shining
No others bright
I just see us
Next to the moons light

Parachute - Losing Sleep - She (For Liz) WITH LYRICS

This song is exactly how I feel about someone currently. I love music that captures our emotions. Check out Parachute; they’re good shit. :)

“She, she is the words that I can’t find; How can the only thing that’s killing me, make me feel so alive? And I couldn’t speak; I couldn’t breathe to save my life…”

Once You've Been Picked;

If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.” - Marilyn Monroe

That’s the glue to all of my “crushes.” (and btw, I feel like I’m 12 saying crush). If a guy can make me laugh, I’ll start to look at you differently; I mean like a good laugh, I seriously laugh. Not a chuckle, I can do that myself. If a guy can identify himself with my humor, and accept me trying to be the clown of any group, then I’ll start to fall for you.

Secondly, I love jaw lines, eyes, and smiles. Those are the three basic physical characteristics I look at.

Jaw lines, if defined, make a boy look like a man. To me, it shows masculinity. No boy has a chiseled jaw line; only men do. And every girl looks for a man. I love deep, big eyes. I have a on going obsession with brown, and green eyes. (I’ve only really liked one guy with blue eyes…and he broke my middle school heart). Last, but not least, the smile. :D I like kissing; I like teeth; I want to be looking at nice teeth, so I have motivation for kissing. If a guy flashes a nice smile about, I take it as if they’re not shy; they’ll open their mouth, and they will speak up. Which is attractive in its own right. That being said…

I fall for guys that have a voice, and use it. You don’t have to be a prick. You don’t have to be obnoxious. You just have to WANT to put your opinion out on the table, and know how to debate behind it. I hate guys that no nothing, and stand up for nothing. I’m to much of a passionate person to stand back and allow that. I would LOVE if we disagreed on things; I don’t want to be your clone. But express things to me if I don’t agree with you. It’s a huge turn on.. ;) and if we do have everything in common, that’s okay too. As long as the guy isn’t holding anything back.

Therefor, I need a guy who wants to protect me. I’m a daddy’s girl, and its a hard label to be applied. But I look up to my dad for always being there for me, and making me feel safe as a young women; I want a boyfriend who’ll do the same. If a guys makes me safe, rather its something they say, or the comfort of their hand touching my solder, I’ll get a little crush :) There is no better feeling in the world for a girl, then to be hugged and held by a guy she likes. Its the ultimate high.

Finally, I want a guy who likes to have fun. Go on random adventure. Go outside. Stay inside. Make up inside jokes, laugh, cry, wrestle, play pranks on each other, go to sporting events (OFTEN!), make fun of peoples facebook pictures with me, cook dinner with me, makeout OFTEN, cuddle more, I love sex and if you don’t then we’ll never work. I want to be with a guy who can keep up with me, and my excess amount of energy. I need that. I’ve never had that, and I ended up becoming a negative, no fun girl to try and match my significant others personality; I will NEVER do that again, its taking to long to be a fun girl again. I want a boyfriend who wants their girlfriend to be their bestfriend. <3 I’m completely possible of it. I want to be the “cool” girlfriend in your friend group, and I’m looking for someone who’ll welcome me into their group. I want you to play Mario Cart with me. Be cool. Be a young man, not a child. Lets party together, and laugh about how we cant remember the night, the next morning. That’s all I really want. You don’t have to be perfect at anything; just atleast try with a smile :)

And here’s the slow, pretty part;

I’m a girl who would rather hold hands with a guy if I really really have feelings for him; I feel like that bond between two people is the hardest one to accomplish…even though its usually the first step for couples, or people seeing each other. I’ve kissed more guys than I have held hands with. If I am willing to allow you to hold my hand, its me giving up my ultimate trust. But once I reach for your five fingers, I’m throwing my “no” answers up, and I’m yours after that… Because knowing me, and my history…

- You’ll make me laugh

- I’ll hold your hand

- And then “You can make her do anything.”

So gentleman, if you think that any of the above applies to you, then I’ve probably noticed it. :)

I Hate Politics...aka Dumbasses

What the fuck Cali?! First prop 8, and now prop 19??? Could you please step your game up? You know, most of the country watches you… Set a better example for the future… Why be so childish, and so uneducated to go out and vote against civil rights issues, and look like complete idiots? I’m not the most educated political follower out there, but I like to know that when I vote, I’m helping OTHERS. Not just my own personal agenda. I hope that two years from now, gay marriage and medical marijuana are legalized, and all those against it can fuck themselves. I want my children to have choice, and live in a diverse world.

Secondly. WHAT THE FUCK MINNESOTA. My home, and my love! WHY THE HELL DID MICHELLE BACHMANN get re-elected!? What the fuck does she do with her job title? Embarrassment. Thats what. Shes an uneducated, rich, obnoxious women, who, if I could, wouldnt hesitate to act upon her presence violently.

AND FINALLY. I swear to whatever GOD there is above, if Tom Emmer wins this re-count over Mark Dayton, Minnesota is doomed. fucking screwed. Way to Go Minnesotans! Way to just “Do It.” Such disappointment from election day…I’m going to just live in a cave.

I love the male sex.

I love males. I love everything about a good guy with two XX chromosomes. I love all the testosterone, and all the manly things guys do. I couldn't be more attracted to the opposite sex. Girls are disgusting...Why trust anything that bleeds for days and doesnt die!? Lets be serious. Penises, and balls arent that cute either, but 'Man Oh Man!' I love me some double X chromosome...And it's been quite awhile for me to get some action...haha

I love that I currently have a crush on like 6 people;
- 2 are "He's fine! I'd do him."
- 1 I'm confused on. I like um', but I don't feel like its worth any of my effort. We'll see, I mean, we're building a good bond.
- 2 I'm completely head over heels for...If only I knew how he felt. "/ Or if he didnt make it so damn one sided, and awkward. Both in this situation confuse the hell out of me, but we'll see if I end up with either? Because they are both just freakin' swell. One is a little ignorant on some issues, but he'd still look pretty...On the other side of my bed ;)
- 1 is completely off limits. fml. because he's a doll. :) but off limits for better reasons..I want to know though SO BAD, if there would even be a chance if the situation was soo much more different. But then, I probably wouldn't think he's such a awesome kid.

BRJMDKIIEAAELCSTVVLKSTIEDIN = Frustration.

halloween pictures. spooky.

First Halloween single; old enough to be on my own; and able to get crunk. (still illegally but whatevs...) From Girl Scout to MISTY!











And finally, the next afternoon, we come to discover that in the battle "Bonfe vs Bus" we have an injury;


Happy Halloween 2010!

One will always find a spot to fit in;

"It's hard, but sometimes it is better to have no friends for a time than to have the wrong friends. The wrong group can lead you down all kinds of paths you really don't want to be on. And retracing your steps can be a long and hard journey." - Sean Covey

Even though we have our differences, these four girls have been the glue to my social life for the last 15+ years. All at times, one at others. We’ve all been together with heartbreak, first loves, family problems, personal problems, and everything in between. We ALL have one complaint about one another, everyone does. Why try and live up to some standard? Before standards werent even mentioned, we were all happy. <3 I love you girls. But lets not participate in GIRL bullshit.


SECONDLY. I love having somewhat new guy friends in my life. I really am lucky to have guys that will sit and listen to me rant, and then even open themselves up to me, so I understand things going on in their life. It makes me feel like I'm actually wanted. As well as makes me feel more and more comfortable with the things that happen to me on a daily basis. I just wanted to make sure that the internet world understands how I feel about all this; if it wasn't for always one young man always stepping up for me, I'd be lost. I need to always have a good guy friend. It makes me feel balanced. :)

I'd rather not have to say any of this;

I dont know what to do at this point; its like no matter WHAT I do or say, I'm still in your head as "A liar. A bitch. A fake friend." Everything title, that I'm confused on why I have. BUT YOU WIN. You've finally broken my emotions down. I try to be the good person, but you have such a negative view of me, no matter what I do, you're gunna tell everyone you have this fake view of me, and treat me the way you do. I dont like to fight and argue. I always voice my opinion on things, rather it pisses someone off or not. Just because when its brought up again, I don't know every single word that was spoken between two people, doesnt mean I'm a liar, or talking shit. This is an on going argument between everyone! Its sooo dumb! Has this not been the problem for years!? Why is it still being brought up, and there is always a common denominator. Just Saying. Plus, its like, Oh can I not speak my mind now, or even when I joke around about something, because you dont find it funny, I'm talking shit? I'm done dude. I've tried to stay out of shit, I've tried to prevent it. And now I'm getting blamed about it. I can't take this unstable emotional fighting bullshit. No one is perfect, and no friend is perfect. Everyone does shit that pisses someone off, but why not understand thats what makes everyone the same? I'm no one, but myself. I'm not gunna be a "Yes" man for everything, I'm going to not do things I dont want to do, and I'll have my own opinions on things. I'M SICK OF BEING JUDGED ON IT. I am no longer going to even begin an argument about "someone talking shit." We're all big kids. Its fucking stupid. Especially when one person has a problem with it, but then brings it up with other people, BESIDES, the one person they're upset with. Thats why this cycle is continuous. I love all of you, but I'm sick of feeling like I can't be myself because I have to meet some standard. It is SO HURTFUL when all you've tried to be is a good friend, and you're constantly looked at as someone who is not. Especially when those views are being judged by only HEARING about a conversation. Not participating in it. I never wanted it to get to the point where I was breaking down, but YOU'RE really making me feel like a worthless person, when I know damn well I am not.

DAM. All I did was Try,

Remember when we first met? You were at the Twins game with Nick. Remember when you first made me cry? When you broke Nick and I up. Remember when we were really close? Mr. Kranz class… Then New Years 2009 happened: “David come talk in the bathroom with me?” “No. I don’t want to hear what you have to say…” “David! Please, just let me talk to you.” “No. I don’t care. I’m leaving.” Remember when we were friends? I do. It’s like I basically ruined it for us. Although you probably didn’t help. See I always felt as if we were comfortable with each other Dave. Always on humor level, like haha, lets constantly try and be funny. You seemed to always notice the good things in me, and you would openly judge me. You’d argue with me, but you never seemed to talk shit behind my back. You had it played out like you weren’t gunna just hate on me when I wasn’t around, even though you wouldn’t defend me after awhile. I remember you telling me “I get a lot of shit for being friends with you.” I should have been done with the friendship then; I realized that when you first said it, but I was so amazed by your calm composure at the time, because that’s what I honestly needed in my life after Christian and I broke up. You displayed personal characteristics I wanted to have; and I had your recreational activity of choice almost always available. I want to believe that you never used me; but I know you did. Our situation would hopefully be different if you hadn’t used me. I get really depressed about it, because I was mesmerized by you. And to think it all started when I just wanted a good best friend? I don’t care what you tell people, the first few weeks that we started hanging out again, you were leading me on completely; we talked like there was going to be something. And it wasn’t just me. You made a lot of comments as well sir. And actions seriously spoke louder than words with you. I’m really hurt that you were that embarrassed of me that you couldn’t even allow a thought of us being a couple to ever cross anyone’s minds. Sorry I’m so low on your standard list. I know that I probably pushed you away, with the dumb shit I did, and said…But you help start my behavior. Just saying. :) Two views; One, I really am hurt by you. You didn’t have to play me as a friend so hard. I told you over and over, I would rather be your friend than anything else, and you knew that. So since I admit to you that I’m attracted to you, you drop me as a friend? Fucking ridiculous. All I ever did was try and make your day better. I’d go out of my fucking way to make you smile, when I was at my lowest. When my emotions were set up on the table for your approval. I think it’s very childish of you to treat me the way you do now. You must have had some feelings for me, especially the way you acted towards me whenever I had a downfall. You were the only person to believe in me (Or claim you did) for going back to the U. And I appreciated you listening to all my family drama, and helping me through some of the toughest times in my life. If I didn’t have you David, after Christian and I broke up, I would have probably had an emotional breakdown. So thank you. Again. I cherish all the times that we had together, but I really do wish that you someday realize that all I wanted was to make a difference in your day. I wanted you to be happy, to have a girl in your life that didn’t upset you, didn’t treat you like shit. Someone you could consider a best friend. But obviously personality is below all other factors for you huh? I wish you would just crack, and show some emotion, and come to terms with how you’ve been hurt in the past. Quit trying to prove someone something. A relationship isn’t only about sex; even rock stars know that. Tool. It’s a plus if they have “cakes” but if a girl drops what she’s doing to bring you Cup a Soup and root beer when you’re sick; that’s a keeper. You’ve missed out David, and I’m really sad about it. Even if your hard headed ass reads this, you still probably won’t notice it. One day, you’ll see that I was only trying. Trying to make you happy. I didn’t mean to make you hate me. I hope you choose to talk to me someday… and maybe we can become friends again. Because I’m so hurt by you at this point, I’ll never want anything else from you again. Thanks again for the one of the funniest years of my life; even though I have a gut feeling you faked a lot of it. :( I still love you like a brother, DMoss. Please always remember that. <3 you. I’ll always be here for you.
PS:
- You made me really sad when you didn’t come to my birthday party, or Mat Kearny.
- I’m really sorry about doing stuff with your best friends; probably the worst way to get your attention. Right?
- I wish you would have talked to me one on one more, rather than talking shit about me to your sister, and everyone else. Our problems would have been solved, rather than blown up.

Suicide Note

What if I pulled out a notebook
Wrote down all my problems
Underlined all my sorrows
Explained how I felt
And worded it all
So you knew that my heart would always melt
When I was dealing with you

What if I pulled out some weapons
Wrote down all my confidence
Thanked all those for things I once borrowed
Rather it be tools, or their ears
And to the ones who helped me express my fears
Just so you know I chose to hold back my tears
When I was willing to just close

When I pulled the trigger
Wrote down all the problems; wrote down all the confidence
Underlined sorrow, thanked those who've borrowed
Worded, and made them listen by ear
All about dealing with you.
And how I was just willing to close our chapter
I've hit the threshold
I've just been in the way

The day I die;
There will be no shame
Because when you read my suicide note
You'll only have yourself to blame.

Cuban Style Black Beans

Jesse Diaz. You’re a real cool cat mr. diaz. I think you’re pretty swell, and your talk is sometimes cheap. I like a afro, and all your dirty pairs of sneaks. I’m trying to rhyme, just this one time. To prove that I’ma pro. Its taken me forever to assemble this blog, because it seems I don’t actually know you that well? We never went to school together; you never dated me, or a family member of mine..and I’m not black. So basically the only connection we have is catbus. Pretty funny. However, I feel like I know you pretty darn well. You’re a sensitive guy, and you like to make people laugh. You speak you’re opinion, sometimes ignored, you still voice it. You hate fedex, but you’re being smart and kinda working through that shitty job until you find a new one. At least you’re being mature.  You seem to genuinely care about others feelings, which is really sweet for a guy your age to do. I like that I feel like I can be myself around you; you’re not that judgmental, so I don’t get self conscious. I really appreciate that you ask about my guy problems, because the girls can only take so much of my bitching. And remember hun, you're a great guy. Don't let your first love get cha' down. If its meant to be, it will be. Go with your gut feeling; I'm pretty sure you still love her a bit, and thats okay. If something feels right, do it. If it doesnt work out, atleast you know you did what your heart wanted you to do. Sometimes we need our hearts broken to understand a better way to love. And last, but not least, I love that when you tweet, fb, or text me, 99% of the time you begin the text with “Kayla…” NO ONE EVER USES MY FIRST NAME! I really love it when people dooooo! So thank you nigger.
…Yeah, I went there. ;)
Cuban.

I would also like to mention that you probably make a difference in everyday that I talk to you; When I had my huge blow out with all my high school guy friends, I was really depressed about it, because lets me honest, I'm closer with guys than I am girls, and I open up a lot quicker.. (Not just my legs...ZING!) but anyways, haha, you're a guy I feel EXTREMELY comfortable with talking to about most things. Thanks you for opening up with me as well, and making yourself look just as vulnerable as I am when I talk about stressful/heartbreak/personal shit. Thats all I wanted to add. :D

phenethylamine;

“Empathy is the poor mans cocaine; and Love is just a chemical, by any other name.”

- Eyedea&Abilities ‘Burn Fetish”

Love is just a chemical. Nothing else. It is an addiction; a depressant, a stimulant, and its a bloodrush to the head. As much as it hurts so bad, emotionally, at times, we all take the risk of it turning into physical hurt; heart break: the same thing your everyone warned you about when you told them about your new “lover.”

I can honestly admit to the internet world, that I’m addicted to this rush; its like I constantly have a guy in mind for my flirting. I usually get hurt; not because I’m such a bad person, not because I’m going after people who are completely out of my league; I get to addicted to the high, and suddenly try and submerge myself into the chemical my body is creating, and rush things. Which leads to my failure.

I’ll find my guy who provides me with enough phenethylamine to get by. :)

AKA, hopefully the “perfect” guy on my mind. ;)

A Softer World;

asofterworld.com

Start Day

Today, 10/11/10, I'm starting my life changes plan; lose weight, get good grades, and be fiscally responsible.

I, by writing this blog, will be my contract to be happy.
I'm gunna work out everyday, do my homework on time, and attend class. As well as watch what I spend my money on. AKA fast food, and hopefully save up to sublease someone soon. :) And most likely by more clothes, that make me look nice. Plus, I'm going to try and find a new hobby to keep my busy. I'm excited, and hopefully I do well.

Sincerely,

Kayla

Never Had You

How can you explain;
All the emotion
And the heartbreak
The stories
The tales
And the sure fire plans
That seemed not to fail
The bragging
The description
The overall perception
The facial expressions
And the laughter shared
The tears that needed to fall
In order for me to stand tall
The hopes
The dreams
All the little things
That were set in position
But never set in stone
The positives, and the negatives
All of the things that I shared
But you were never really "there"
So where to begin telling our story?
When I miss you
Yet, I never really had you
How can I explain how I feel to you
When I never even had you

You Can't Fake October

You can’t fake baseball. You either can hit a fastball or you cant. Simply as that. Yeah, steroids might help, but whatever, lets forget those exist just for the essence of this post. Watch Fever Pitch, with Jimmy Fallon and Drew Berrymore. You’ll fall in love.
I love baseball/Softball. Completely in love. Whenever something was going bad, I could depend on the sport to be there for me. I, myself, am a softball player. I started in Tball, and to tell you the truth, I don’t think I’ve skipped a season since. So a good 17ish years under my belt, thank you. It was my life every spring and summer. I didn’t get to go to the beach everyday; I was getting down and dirty in the sand. My worst medical encounter came from Softball (Whats Up, popped Bursa? Blood Infection? Knee Surgery?) but I wouldn’t have wished any other surgery upon myself in any other way. I’m perfectly fine with my scar… that looks like a gunshot wound. The batting cages are my second home; the field is my cabin. I could take grounders all day long, and do throw downs until I can’t feel my shoulder anymore. Its an intense high I get from the sport. Its not the most “Physically” fit sport out there (Hense why I don’t enjoy soccer or hockey as much as I should after playing 14 years…) But your mind is always working. Constantly reminding itself about where to throw, where to position yourself, what the pitcher is going to throw next…You get tired, Man.
And now to talk about my baseball team love <3 Its October baby. The only other time baseball is at its best is April. My Minnesota Twins are in the playoffs this year, AGAIN, and I’ll be glued to my Twins appeal, TV, iPhone, Computer, you know everything. I’m a hardcore Twins fan, as well as the Boston Red Sox. Thus, I swear to the baseball gods, that the Yankees need to get wiped clean. The twins are the feel good, hometown team. How many times do you hear about them having trouble in the clubhouse? Or fighting with other teams? Never. Theyre the team you bring your infant to, or your 90 year old grandma for their first game. I have never not had fun at a Twins Game. I’m still a little jealous I havnt been to the new stadium. :(

I’ll be ending on this; Make the world a better place; punch a Yankees fan in the face.



Also, seriously, watch Fever Pitch. I want my Ben. <3

Truly a Humans Bestfriend

Meet Roxy; the newest addition to the Fearing family. :] She is an 8wk old long haired chihuahua.
My dog Lucy, died March 14th, 2010. I had her for like 16 years. She was truly one of the best friends I ever had, even though the last few years of her life I wasn't always with her. I was growing up; busy with work, school, friends, and boys. I still regret forgetting about her as much as I did. I'm excited for Roxy and Stephanie to bond the way any dog owner and dog bond. Stephanie is so excited and happy about her new friend, it makes me smile ear to ear. It was a natural friendship, as soon as Roxy got set in Stephs lap this afternoon. I'm excited to watch it grow... As well as one day I'll get my own dog again. I miss Onyx sooo much (Husky/German Shep mix I had with the ex bf, but I havnt seen Onyx since we broke up. :[ ) but I know that I'll find my new dog friend when the time is right.. (German Shep puppy FO' SHO!)
Again, welcome to the family, Roxy. Excited to take numerous photos of you.

Together, We Create Steam

"Water + Fire = Steam"

"Pisces and Aries are naturally attracted to each other. After a while, though, you’ll start to feel that your relationship doesn’t have as much going for it as you first thought. Both of you make a great first impression, and you both have strong sexual impulses. There may be something clandestine or mysterious about your relationship. The way you first meet, or perhaps the place where you cross each other’s path, will be unusual.
The positive for this combination is that Aries can learn a lot about compassion and selflessness from you. You’re interested in life’s mysteries, and you’ll share this with them. But water, which is Pisces, extinguishes fire, which is Aries. Your emotionalism will dampen Aries’ heated nature.
The reverse of your elements’ combination is that fire boils water and turns it into steam. This indicates that Aries can have an impact on you too, and change your personality.
Think carefully before you into a relationship with an Aries. Even though your ruling planets, Jupiter, Neptune and Mars, work together well, you two won’t always make an effective combination.
Aries has a tendency to plough through life like a ram. Thin-skinned Pisceans treat it differently. You’re far more considerate of other people’s feelings than they are. Aries will have to really get this difference, and make allowances for it.
Also, there are times when you simply want to do nothing. This will irritate Aries. Aries is go, go, go, and will push you to your limits. They will have to lose their irritable and impatient nature if they want to prove they can support you and let you be you.
You will love Aries unconditionally, because this is who you are, and you’ll be able to fulfil Aries’ ever-growing sexual appetite. They can reciprocate with that, but they mustn’t take you for granted.
You’ll probably have a very passionate roller-coaster ride with Aries born between 21March and 30 March. The full firepower of Mars is evident in these individuals, and it means lots of excitement.

... A word of warning, though: this sort of heat could affect you emotionally in ways you can’t handle."

Creativity Low

Please, just once...can I get a fucking straight answer/sign out of you. Thanks it'd be appreciated. I only have so much creative words, and ideas left to deal with this. And no one knows what to do once their creativity runs out. Especially when I don't know if I should be writing sad poems, happy poems, or any poem for that matter about you.
and now I can't sleep. HOMEWORK DAY TOMORROW! (aka procrastination and blogging).

Drama

Constantly
Its like a competition
You weren't even there
But you feel like you have a voice in it
Did you hear how I said it
Do you understand the situation
Did you even ask questions
Or did you just turn around and run
Your ugly little mouth
Trying to one up me
Or even all three of us
We start asking
Who do you trust
And what to expect
From the girls who try to hurry up
And change their dress
A compliment turns into a discussion
That turns into an argument
That’s turns into fighting
And all our hearts are hurting
Just take your time and let it be
Quick restarting something
That never had to be
Zip your lips, and shut your mouth
You know damn well what I'm talking about
The attention you're getting
Is all negative
Tearing the group apart
Like we were all just pieces of clip art

Dating is really fun.

So the guy I like was in town this weekend. I texted him, after not talking to him for a few weeks, and I invited him to a party, and he counter asked, inviting me to a party. I was flattered, but tried not to get my hopes up. Saturday night, when both parties were to be taking place, he texted me and invited me again. I received the address, left my friends party, like 40min after he texted me (I waited so I didn't seem TOO excited, or eager) and made my way towards the given address. after getting to the parties neighborhood, I could not find the house at all, so I replied to the questioned guy on where the house was to where I was... his response? "No Clue." So I tried to call him; no answer. So I waited like 10 min, and tried again; no answer. I gave up, and headed back to the first party, and on my way back I send him a text saying "Headed back. Couldn't find the place." Still no response, and it's been a good 26 hours. haha.

So now I sit here wondering; Did I get stood up? Or did I stand myself up.
Dating can seriously go (twitter fans) #gofuckitself

Carry Me Home

I believe in hopeful street art
And I believe in heroes
I want to make the world go around
With the help of other people
I'm a dreamer
That’s all
I can talk all day
And pretend all night
I want to kiss and makeup
With every boy that’s hurt me
I want to hug it out
With all I've turned down
Not because they weren't good enough for me
Simply because I'm selfish
Opinionated
And hard headed
I want what I want
And I like what I see
I just tell myself over and over again
"He's for sure the one for me"
Until I end up on the floor
And you carry me home
I believe in endless lines
And I believe in the bad guys
I want to cure cancer
While eliminating other disease
I'm a young lady
That's all
I can cry all day
Cake makeup on, and be out for the night
I want to dance with you one last time
Just to see if you're different
But you're probably not
I'm not judging
I just know the real you
Simply because I tried
Effortlessly
And full hearted
I try and I try
And I'll finally get upset and say good bye
"You do this to yourself"
Until I end up on the floor
And someone carries me home

Wait it Out

Move slow
Breath deep
Calming touches
And lighting torches
Don't speed up
Take ones time
If I fuck up
It'll all be on the line
Never waited this long
I never put in this kind of effort
But I want it all so bad
I wait and wait
Then I give in
Adrenaline rush back into my head
With every text you send
Rather it be a sentence or three
I always take the attention towards me
Sit down and relax
You're not even in town
No reason to get my hopes up
There's plenty of other girls there
But I don't want to give up because of that
I want to try harder
By not even trying
Breaking habits
And bending rules
Waiting and waiting
Just slightly attempting
But when you respond
It seems more should be done
Baby steps
One day at a time
If it all works out fine
If it doesn't I'll just have to say good-bye
And I'll have to reassess the time waited

I do this all to myself

Tonight, my coworker and I were talking about my past relationship. We both came to the conclusion that maybe I was just to strong of a personality for him...I mean, I've thought about this previously, and this is how it is; Ex and I were together for 5 years, and at the beginning the kid had no self confidence. Just as I started to see his confidence rise from nothing, is when he cheated on me. and we broke up. a month after our 5 year anniversary. It seems to me that over the years of me building his confidence up, he finally got to a point of self confidence he was comfortable with, and decided, "Hmmm...I don't need her for that boost anymore. I'll go smash 16 year olds who don't know any better." Thats my theory.
Well, leading away from that, and back to Ms. Maryann and I; what if her theory is also true? what if I am just a really strong personality for guys? She said "You need someone who's at your level. or better yet even, someone who has a bit of a stronger one. the YOU in all your previous relationships." But there is only one me... What if I don't ever find a guy who has the well rounded, strong personality I've developed with all the growing up I have had to do in my years. I'm so scared, and have been for awhile now. I don't want to be 30 years old, stressing out over finding the perfect guy; I want the imperfect guy, and we can become perfect for each other. I'm a lot to handle, I'll admit. I would probably not be able to handle me if I was a guy; but I'd still try. Once I personally feel comfortable, I don't want to lose them, I try and sever all my relationships, but I'm only one girl. One mind, one heart. I don't know what to do anymore. :( I just really miss companionship, and the small possibility that I'll never have that again honestly, brings tears to my eyes and scares me more than anything. Siiiggghhhh.
I bring this on myself.

She's the One

Hoodie and Some sweat pants
Yeah that’s when I look my best
Hair up, bangs down
I'll make you second guess
Is this the girl I really want?
Is she the one for me?
Is she the one that'll make me laugh
And make me want to scream?
She's fit
She's fun
And always brings me ice cream
She's a guys best friend
And a girls worst enemy
I know all the best things to say
When your xbox doesn’t work
I can't change your vehicles oil,
But I can get the repair shops number and dial
I'll be your best friend, and lover
All underneath one cover
I make meals, and deals
Plus have my own wheels
And your exes will never hurt me
I'm like the combo pack
You've always wanted
Even with some extra features
I don't get jealous
And I don't like to fight
Because relationships should have those rights
Do your thing, and I'll do mine
But please, at least come in at a reasonable time
Hold my hand
Introduce me to your band
I may not be perfect
But falling for me is worth it
I'm low maintence
But I' m educated on Cosmo
Give me a chance
And you'll want to continue our dance

Take me to the Rock Show

Chadwick marywheather. You are the jail time to my sentence. Haha. I'm really glad a relationship brought us together as friends, and I'm really happy that same relationship has kept us friends. That's written with true honesty. I once thought you were such a troublemaker, and wasn't as eager to hang out with you as I am now. I'm glad that's changed. Some of my best teen memories have been with you. You were always the boy I'd run too when I was sad, or needed advice, even when it was about hating your best friend. I have mad respect for every girl you've ever dated; I couldn't do it. You were way too wild for me, I went for the calmer friend. Haha. You would have been like bitter sweet; so fun and wild, but you would drive me crazier than your buddy drove me too currently. That doesn't say I wouldn't have if you woulda asked. Lol. Jk jk! You always were straight up, and truthful in your answers, and always seem to want the best for me. I appreciate that so much. No bullshit with you. You've made some decisions that I've wanted to kill you over, but you're developing into a great young man. :) I'm really proud of you, and that's a lot coming from me as you know. You're never judgmental, and you somehow always have made me feel "good enough." whatever that means. Fuck corporate America. I feel terrible for not coming and watching you play, but I'll be there soon enough. Your family is wonderful, and always there for me. I'm so upset that you're not able to be the fantastic father I know you could be, but bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks. I tried all my adolescent experimentation with you, and spent wayyyy to much money at BK. You're the real life example of a bad ass. You've dated some weird ass girls, but I'm happy with the idea that you've found the one. I feel like you've matured a lot with Smashley, and I'm excited to keep watching. My only wish is that you get in school, and teach some kids about life. School those rich kids on common sense, by using your fuck up stories. Haha. You've been a great sibling to the other kids by your ma', and I'm jealous I don't have such a great big brother. I'm writing this in front of you, and days like today, I've never had more fun. You make the simplest things fun. Always have. Like blowing up the mystery machine... Even though I was just "your bestfriends girlfriend" I've always considered you more than my boyfriends best friend. I've always thought of you as one of my best friends. :D I'm so excited for when I turn 21, so you can take me out to the bars. And continue teaching me the ways of alcohol. Get off probation so we can just got back to our woods ways. Love you Chad!

How you been, Duluth?

I'll be in Duluth until Sunday. Then I get to see my favorite terrible rapper on Sunday.. Sir Gucci.

I would move to Duluth someday; thus far I have seen about 100 couples walking on the board walk, and I can only dream that someday I can do that with my significant other. Even though it's ridiculously freezing this time of year, especially with the Canadian winds coming off Lake Superior, the couples have their hands tangled fingers in-between one another. Not even going to lie, I got a weeeee bit jealous. As well as envious of these couples. I feel like, even though Duluth is an urban city, especially with all its industrial stuff, shipping and receiving, I could have a happy loving relationship. Like, I understand that just moving to Duluth wouldn't keep me and my future man in love, the environment is so peaceful, and beautiful, it'd be a nice influence. In the cities, for dates, we have some parks, and nice little nature areas; but what's more natural than NATURAL beauty of the great lakes, access to three different states, and an entirely different country? Nothing. nothing at all. So when I have a boyfriend, I'll taking a weekend off work, and forcing them to come to Duluth with me. Just sayin'.
Oh, and it's suppose to snow tomorrow. GOOD OL' MINNESNOWDA.

I wrote you a letter

"Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens; the main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away."

Dear Kayla,

You'll find the one. He'll be perfect, and it'll all work out. Quit rushing things, and just take relationships one day at a time. It's not worth being stressed. Yes, I understand you're desperate. I understand you feel left out because now that you're single, everyone else seems to not be. You'll get there dear, and you'll meet him; good guys come to those who wait.

Calm down. Do some homework, or clean. Be productive and a honorable member of society.. You boy crazy fuck.

Love,
Kayla

Lighter Flick. Inhale. Beat Drops. K-Fear goes in;

This is a year of action; Stand alone, take action, start fresh, express independence.

Kayla: \ka(y)-la\ is pronounced KAY-la; Variant of Kay; "pure"; Kayla is a female given name of Hebrew and Arabic origin, meaning "wise child."
I want my voice heard, because I feel like I have one;
Middle child, of three girls. Irish and Mdewakanton Sioux. Raised by a single father. Mom's a meth addict. Minnesota is where I reside. Athlete; Softball, Hockey, Soccer. I love school. I love anatomy and physiology. I love english. I love to write. I have a multiple best friends. I'm self conscious, and I'll be the first to admit it. I enjoy smoking mary jane, and taking shots of vodka. I dislike berries, mushrooms and tomatoes. I could eat pineapple, chips, and seafood all day. I adore water. Tap water, or Aquafina that is. None of that nasty ice mountain crap. Naturally curly hair. But straighten it everyday. Green eyes; couldn't ask for a better color. I love having DD's. I want a flat stomach. I love my legs. I wouldn't be me if I didn't have my butt chin, and webbed toes. I was in love once. I was heart broken twice. Lust can break a heart as well. I'm optimistic. I go into everything with a smile. I love music; punk, alternative rock, rap, and rat pack kind of stuff. I'd rather not be in college. Even though I love school. If it was acceptable in society, I'd just get pregnant and be a stay at home mom. I got a lot of making up to do for my own mother. My biggest fear is cancer. and being raped. and failure. I'm going to school to be a Physical Therapist, so you can start writing out "Dr. Fearing" now. Or I'll just be an anatomy professor; thats my back up plan. I have an unhealthy obsession with Pascal Dupuis, and a lot of other professional male athletes. I could talk and talk all day. I want a lake home. I was a three kids; boy, girl, boy. I'm pretty much only sexually attracted to caucasians. But I'm not racist at all. I went to an urban high school. I'm glad I came out not as ghetto as most. My heart belongs to my neice, Stephanie; she's the future of America. Meet her, you'll understand. Blink 182 is my favorite band; Atmosphere is up there too. I miss my german shepard Lucy. I'll be the owner of a seal someday; they ma' fav. I refuse to wear Nike shoes. The only brand I search for is adidas. I want to find a good guy and have a serious relationship. I like those; I had one for 5 years, and got my heart broken. I miss him a lot. But I can never forgive him. I like brown hair. I like brown or green eyes. Guys don't have to be tall, but atleast 5'9'. They gotta be athletic. as well as look it. I like sex. I love holding hands. I'd like to be President one day. I wish I was playing Division 1 softball. I should of worked harder. I have a love hate relationship with my dad; I AM his daughter. We're identical in our actions. I envy my grandparents; 52+ strong, I can't think of life without them. I want to be a mom more than anything; if I can't be, I'll probably kill myself. I don't believe in God really; I don't know what is spriturally there, I'm a science girl; I need proof after proof. I do believe in Aliens; if I ever see one. again. I'll probably kill myself. I'm a liberal. A democrat. I'd kill Michelle Bachmann if I could; she embarrasses Minnesota. I believe in gay marriage, and abortion for rape victims, and extreme cases. I want to see Ireland. And dive the Great Barrier Reef. I'd like to save someones life. Not to be a hero, just to practice saving my own. I could drive non-stop if gas wasn't so expensive. My ford explorer is my baby. I work with adults with disabilities, and truthfully, I've shocked myself; I've gotten very open and understanding due to the job. I wish I was better at math. I don't have confidence in school because of my poor math skills. I still sleep with my baby blankie. And I don't care one bit what anyone thinks. I'd wear a tshirt, and sweats or softball shorts everyday if I could. I'm so excited to plan a wedding; I love formal events. When I'm made up the most, is when I'm the most vulnerable. If I dress up, I'm trying to impress, and when I'm trying to impress someone, I open up everyhing; Its easy for me to get hurt. It happens a lot. I'm used to it. I fall easily; I over think males body language, and what they say. I wish I was educated better on that. I'm a published poet; USA hockey magazine, 1997. I want to get a photography book published, as well as an entire poetry album. All for my friends to place on their coffee tables. I use facebook way too much. I love wendys chicken nuggets. I've never had a boxspring bed; Always have had a water bed. I'm independent. I can't wait to live on my own again. I'll be famous for something someday. I have a Presidential crush on john f. kennedy. I want to be able to roll my "R"'s. I get crushes on my friends brothers often. Its a really bad habit. I love mallo cups. If I could live in another decade, I'd live in the 1920's or 1940's. that being said, I'm obsessed with world war two. as well as discovery health channel. my favorite season is winter. I personally love snow! I need to develop a savings, and get better with my money. I'm growing up, I'm learning my way. I'm making changes in my life, because I deserve a lot better than I settle for. I obviously can lay out what I like and what I don't. what I want and what is just foolish. I'm building confidence, and turning heads a long the way.

Meteorology

Thunderstorms roll right through
And I lose all motivation with you
I don't know if I should even try
Especially with the continuation of clouds rolling by
Our forecast is sunny one day
Windy the next
You change your mind like the Temperature
All I can do is dress for the weather
And hope the outlook gets better
You don't see tears
While standing in the rain
And our smiles look the best
In all of the rays
Hold me in the freezing below
So when we kiss
Our boots will meet
Toe to toe
But oh baby, baby
When the sky turns blue
All I know is I want to be lying in bed
Right next to you

If I could only resume your attention

I have avoided looking at any pictures of you. Or even trying to talk to you. I never had you, but I'm so disappointed I don't get to see you anymore; I really wanted to get to know you. I really wanted to be good friends. I've never had your full attention, and that's what gets me the most. I was so set, so sure that I did. The first night we hung out you treated me like a princess. That first night. I wish I would have acted different, maybe I acted interested in you too late? Should I have just asked you up front out on a date. You still owe me a coffee "date", that never happened, and I want to take that shot I passed up with you. I wish we could just start over, and I could choose the other options than I did. Ugh. Maybe then I wouldn't be so lovesick for you. "/
But gatdamn! You're nearly perfect. Do something wrong in my eyes already. Uuggghhh.

horoscopes are;

So you were born March 12th? "No matter what your age, you always remain youthful and playful. You are open to a wide range of ideas, and you have a real sense of the right words to say or write and the best way to present an idea. You would be excellent at promotion or advertising, and also make a warm and interesting friend who always seems to lend a hand or lift others' spirits with words of encouragement. At times impatient with others, your warm heart wins in the end."

Pisces Female? "Highly attractive, the Pisces woman is romantic, caring, sensitive, creative and easily hurt. Highly intuitive she’s likely to be adept at reading body language. Spiritual, mysterious, emotional, imaginative, creative, idealistic, romantic, this woman is one of the dreamers of the zodiac. She senses and feels things which other less sensitive folk miss, perhaps making her often seem a little psychic. The symbol for Pisces is two fish moving in opposite directions, which represents the conflicting desires of flesh and spirit. This is a battle of self indulgence versus self denial, and balancing these two forces is no easy task. Some Pisceans are attracted to drama, art, creativity or fantasy in an attempt to escape from the gritty reality and frequent disappointments of life. Most Pisces discover that the best route to finding inner peace is to give to others, and in many respects this is the most generous and selfless sign. Highly sympathetic, compassionate, self-sacrificing, intuitive and unassuming, they absorb emotions from the environment around them, often becoming happy or depressed based on the mood of others. As such they do far better when with optimists than pessimists. They tend to give a piece of themselves to anyone they love,. They think with their heart and not their head, tending to dislike confrontation or hurting others in any way, and often have difficulty saying no, or leaving bad situations or relationships. The net result of these traits is sadly that Pisces is easily taken advantage of and manipulated by the uncaring or domineering which can create a vicious cycle of lowered self worth and increased need for approval typically from the very people who are bad for them. One of their greatest life lessons is to learn to be a little selfish, in order to better choose who deserves their help and love. In this way the Pisces can transform from a martyr to the strong, to a savior of the weak."

Fo' real. She just really liked Dinosaurs.

"A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life." - William Arthur Ward
Chloe. Ann. Taipale. First and foremost, that picture of us and Gucci Mane (WHICH IS REAL). took me FOREVER. Its probably time I invest some moments downloading a photoshop torrent. Secondly, the quote above, is you in my mind perfectly. You are my humor; when ever I need to laugh, I have no doubt in your abilities to make me crack up. And in no way am I trying to say you're a "Joke" to me. I'm saying that I could not adore you more, and a large part of the Chloe I know and love is because of your humor. Even since 1st grade, we've been best friends. We were a team dude. Remember errrrrvyone crying because they couldn't sit next to you. Well shhiiittt, I had that chair on lock. I didn't care how many tears Jacquline, or Amy cried. WE WERE THE DUO. Whenever I think of our first encounter, I think of you with a Dinosaur book in hand, and schooling Rick on Dino-facts. I was constantly impressed with your usage of large words like "Herpatologist." I was 7, I didn't know how to repeat that shit verbally. But hey, we got along great, and you always brought a lunch; I would ask you why, and you would tell me stories about evil lunch ladies, and apples that had came to life. But with all your stories as gifts to me, when you got your patch, I wore tape on my face, to show you how much I cared about you. Another thing I respect so much about you is your ability to take nothing too serious; I have only seen you upset a handful, if that, amount of times. I on the other hand, can upset over everything, and stressed out. I dont know how you remain your composure? I'm seriously jealous of it. I can't express how thankful I am that I had you by my side through all our Pre-Teen life lessons. We had our first jobs together, our first police experiences together (but did we not get some cool makeup, bracelets, earrings, and all other ridiculous things are parents would have just bought us?) as well as talked about our first crushes together.. Duane. Liam. Oh good times, good times. Oh, and what about the skater persona I basically forced you into? But most of all, I think of this everytime I drink a cherry coke; the bathroom pop fight. Cherry coke cans everywhere, ferrets frolocking around the house, and homemade pizzas that we'd make together every sleepover. <3 We were (are!) the definition of best friends in my opinion. We did shit we'd read about in our J14's, and shit we watched on Degrassi. But lastly, I can't forget to mention the time we set a timer on your TV so we could watch the Spice Channel...then we woke up at 6am, and missed the movie. Thats when my obsession with porn began...
With all great times, there are always some bad. I have admitted it, and I will admit it again. Mr. Christian changed our relationship, and I allowed him too. I'm still so sorry for that. I should have never put him in front of you, no matter what. I didn't realize what I was doing at the time, and it came back to bite me. I respect you a lot for dealing with it, and when him and I broke up, you were there for me still. Thats a true friend. Thats someone I owe so much too, because of that. Especially since you seemed to be one of the biggest supporters of the relationship, and really helped get it started. But he's a problem we'll never have to deal with again... and I've learned my lesson. Promise. I'm really happy that we're developing our friendship again, right where we left off. I love that we can always pick up from where we left off, and have the time of our lives. We are sooo different in so many ways, but for us to be as close as we are, just shows that none of those differences matter; just the way any friendship should be. You know I cried when you left for St. Scholastica? I didn't think you'd come back...haha, BUT YOU DID! and I'm SO thankful for that. Its like a sign from black jesus himself that we need to eat at popeeyes a lot more, and maybe we'll run into our future blinged out husbands... like homeboy with two blackberrys..? Its a possibility. I never have a bad time with you, and I want you to know, that even though we don't hang out every weekend. Or even talk everyday. You are always going to have a secured spot in my life, and my heart. You're like a sister to me. I can honestly say Tiffany and Melady are both obsessed with you... "Chloe's coming?!" You're also a great excuse to get out of chores.. Dad: "Clean. Or I'll beat you." Kayla "I'm going to hang with Chloe, and have a sleepover." Dad: "Oh! Okay! :D Have a GREAT TIME!" And to be completely honest, I'm so excited to see where you end up in life. You're going to be famous I hope. I'd be awesome if it was for your writing ability, or you're just going to have to be the next CoCo. Your choice. I won't judge.
In closing, I love you. <3 I don't know what kind of person I'd be if I didnt know you. When everything and everyone fails me in Saint Paul, I know I can take a 15min drive to 96, and have my entire day flipped, and be in the best mood of my life. I don't frown when I'm with you, and I don't EVER question myself. You make everything a joke, and you supply criticism when its needed. I don't think I'll ever have as much fun watching music videos and stuffing my face with Doritos or the all time favorite, Funyums than I do with you. I'm excited to do it together with our animals we hoard in out trap house someday. So CAT, again, thank you for being my best friend again. :)

GUCCI.

PS: If or shall I say when we have heart attacks, this photo below can be used as evidence.

Boys are bad. Guys are good. Men you marry.

Since boys dont have feelings or emotions, none of you get a full blog post. So here are my top guys friends, and a little blurb about them all. I want you GUYS to know I appreciate everything you bring to my life.

"I'm the tomboy so I got to be a little butch." - Laura Prepon

First off. Micheal Paul. Who? MIKE BROWN. I love to give you all the shit in the world Mike, and I thank you so much for taking it all. *By the way, like our picture? I had to cut a certain EX out, and then it looked like I didnt have hair...Thus MicroPaint had to do.* I've known Mr. Brown since Freshman year in high school; I knew him as a loud, obnoxious, kid, who would laugh whenever I told someone I was from Compton...I had people believing it, and to this day, I still don't know who knows the truth. Come to find out this past year, Mike is from Compton. He probably knew my lies all along.. Anyways. Mike over the last year you have dealt with me at all types of highs and lows, and I know you've gotten quite frustrated with me. But alas, you still have my back. Your stern and strict, and I feel like you treat me like I'm a little sister of yours... Not Nicole exactly, because you have a bond there thats unbreakable, but you always try to protect me; even when your words might break my heart, I know you mean the best. I appreciate you dropping what you're doing to come outside when I show up unexpectedly, and watch the planes at the airport with me. And get really chopped. Thats a nice bonus. I also respect you a lot more as a whole person now, since you've started to open up to me about your past, present and future. You speak a big game my friend, but I'm glad I can see you have goals, and plans to win that game. You get ghetto at times, and I love how you allow me to call you out on it. As well as when you call me out on my white tendencies. We keep each other balanced in a friendship, and that's the best. I'm glad you can take everything I throw at you, and you throw things at me underhand. (Even though I COULD handle your opinions full on, I'm glad you sugar coat them in the heat of the moment). My only thing to say to you, is that I'm proud of you. I'm glad we're so close, and we are so open with each other. QUIT being a horndog though. Your girl will come. Chill out. I know thats HILARIOUS coming from me, but oh well. It needed to be said. Don't fall head over heels in every relationship you get in. And from a female's perspective, you can do A LOT better than the girls you've talked to in the past. Just sayin'. And get your ass back in school, get that degree, and then worry about the Navy. I know you're set on it, but you're a very intelligent young man, and I'd rather see you on the paper for curing cancer, than for killing a pirate.

"I was a tomboy and most of my close friends were male." - S. E. Hinton
So Kevin, since we don't actually have a photo together, I made one. I tried to find a wake boarding one, but no luck. :( Mr. Richards, I don't know how I could possibly describe you to someone; you're really the only friend I've even made at the U. I mean, yeah, I have people I chat to, but I can actually talk to you. And you listen. For the short time I've known you (Anatomy 1135 Spring Semester Freshman year represent!) I think with the limited resources we have of actually hanging out together, we have developed a damn good friendship. I can call you, and you always answer. I'll text you, and you always text back. Its refreshing to know I have you as an option whenever I need someone. Even though 99% of our conversations consist of the following topis; Fuck college, Fuck girls, Fuck boys, Fuck being single, Fuck work, and "I'm drunky," I feel that we work well together. Like I said, I barely know you, but I know you so well. Its a funny relationship. I'm glad you stole my number off facebook back in the "day" and that my ring tone was (and should still be) "Like A Boss." Because Kevin, together we are exactly that; bosses. Plus it was nice to have a good guy friend that the Ex got jealous of. haha, always entertaining. Here is my advice for you; Keep doing what you're doing. Forget about stupid girls who hurt you, and know that you are ONE ATTRACTIVE GUY, and you have a great personality, and if a girl doesn't like you? MAYBE she knows you're too good for her. Since I wrote you this, I want to party with you soon. This has never happened, and it needs too. No more excuses. I know you have my number, so know that I'll still text back whenever you text me. PS: WE'RE gunna get one of our conversations on tfln.com. Before I die.

"I've always been like that. I was a tomboy when I was a kid, so I was always playing baseball and basketball and football and stuff as a kid with the boys."- Catherine Bell

Cory Borgan! Circa 2002. Where would my life be without you? Since we were 12 years old, you and I have had the best Guy/Girl friendship ever. Granted we have had some crazy situations come our way, and we've taken time off from even talking, I'm so glad we still can talk about anything. Its crazy how things happen in life...You know that better than anyone. You have dealt with a lot of drama in your 20 years, and you've helped me through all the drama that's come my way. I appreciate it our friendship a lot, and that's why I always try to come and visit you at Holiday. I know that you'll always be there when I need to chat about the dumbest, smallest, girly-est things. You always give me your opinion in a respectable manor, and never like to see me hurt. I can tell that's something that you always try and fix for me. You always try and say the best thing for the situation, and you put a smile on my face. I'm glad that you care so much about me as a person. Looking back, I'm really sorry for what I did to make our senior year as distant from each other as it was. I would totally take that back if I could. Boyfriends do that to girls; and you should understand, since you know, You were related to the kid. haha. I'm glad though when I came back to our friendship, you were there with open arms. I'm grateful you've been able to talk to me about pretty much everything in your life, and accept my opinions. I like our new smoke breaks...although I promise you and myself they won't last long. I'm so happy you finally have a girlfriend who is so dedicated to you; You deserve it. I say that will every honest ounce in my body. I can't wait for the wedding day! Hopefully I am at your side, as your "Best Man." haha, I'm really excited if this actually happens. Otherwise I'm completely fine with being an usher...thats cool too. Cory, you're like a brother, and thank you for all the advice you've given me, and all the notes we used to write to each other in junior high. I still have them all in a shoebox, and can't wait to bust those bad boys out someday. I'd like to just add this about you Mr. Borgan; GET YOUR ASS IN SCHOOL. You are TOO smart to be wasting away behind a counter. Or at home. You have the brain to be something big. You're academically intelligent, and you have an enormous amount of street smarts. Forget about the money, take some loans out, and do it. I'm gunna bug you about this until you do it. I'll motivate you until I can't no more. Okay I'm done. :)

"I suppose I`m more of a tomboy than the girly-girl, which is why I can`t walk on stilettos very well." - Keira Knightley

Surprise surprise Mr. Hawaiian! You made it on my blog. Yeah, its not as cool as all your reviews and shit, but I can only update my facebook status so many times without you judging me on my song lyrics, and my girly bitches. So this is my ode to you Mr. Murphy. First I'd like to describe you in a quote; "I'm a simple man. All I want is enough sleep for two normal men, enough whiskey for three, and enough women for four." - Joel Rosenberg Secondly, THANK YOU for being my go to guy in High School. I'm so glad you wore that Dropkick Murphys tshirt in Ms. Taube's class. Otherwise who would know where we would be today? I was so happy to know that I was not the only person in Humboldt with some sort of education in damn good music. I'd like to thank Dropkick for our friendship. Without them, I'd probably just think you were a quiet, shy, werid kid. Who spoke ever so softly. But because of that Tshirt of yours, I know that you're really fucking cool, and if I want to have an intelligent conversation about pop culture, and critique it, you're the guy to talk too. Even though since graduation, we havn't hung out much, when we have those have been some of the nights I want to remember. I always have fun when I'm with you, and when we text, or do crazy amounts of posting to each other on facebook, I'm glad that you havn't jumped on the "I hate Kayla" bandwagon like most of your friend group. I'm glad we're still cool. :) I'm really proud of you, from a friend to friend, for all the things you're doing. I'm glad that of all the people I want to succeed, you're taking some personal responsibility, and going out and getting what you want. I love to read your reviews, and see how pissed off you make people; even though I don't agree with some of the things you are strong opinionated about, I gain more respect for you everything I read. I also have noticed we don't have too many heart to hearts; I'm completely fine with that, but if you ever need to talk, know that I'd love to listen to you, and help the best I can. All I have to end this with is that I only wish the best for you, and I'm excited to see how far you go in your projects. ALSO, we're going to a show together. Soon. Rather than our half assed attempts we've done, like all the Irish Fairs, and Taste. We're pregaming and going to a show, and you can fight guys, and I'll fight girls. It'll be like senior year car pool, All over again. Again, don't review my blog. I don't think I could take your great word choices. lol.

Gentleman, I love having you all in my life. Our relationships all vary from level to level, but know I enjoy having you there. :D
...I mean, We're cool. I think you are all really cool, and manly, and guylike. Fuck bitches get money.