10.28.2010

DAM. All I did was Try,

Remember when we first met? You were at the Twins game with Nick. Remember when you first made me cry? When you broke Nick and I up. Remember when we were really close? Mr. Kranz class… Then New Years 2009 happened: “David come talk in the bathroom with me?” “No. I don’t want to hear what you have to say…” “David! Please, just let me talk to you.” “No. I don’t care. I’m leaving.” Remember when we were friends? I do. It’s like I basically ruined it for us. Although you probably didn’t help. See I always felt as if we were comfortable with each other Dave. Always on humor level, like haha, lets constantly try and be funny. You seemed to always notice the good things in me, and you would openly judge me. You’d argue with me, but you never seemed to talk shit behind my back. You had it played out like you weren’t gunna just hate on me when I wasn’t around, even though you wouldn’t defend me after awhile. I remember you telling me “I get a lot of shit for being friends with you.” I should have been done with the friendship then; I realized that when you first said it, but I was so amazed by your calm composure at the time, because that’s what I honestly needed in my life after Christian and I broke up. You displayed personal characteristics I wanted to have; and I had your recreational activity of choice almost always available. I want to believe that you never used me; but I know you did. Our situation would hopefully be different if you hadn’t used me. I get really depressed about it, because I was mesmerized by you. And to think it all started when I just wanted a good best friend? I don’t care what you tell people, the first few weeks that we started hanging out again, you were leading me on completely; we talked like there was going to be something. And it wasn’t just me. You made a lot of comments as well sir. And actions seriously spoke louder than words with you. I’m really hurt that you were that embarrassed of me that you couldn’t even allow a thought of us being a couple to ever cross anyone’s minds. Sorry I’m so low on your standard list. I know that I probably pushed you away, with the dumb shit I did, and said…But you help start my behavior. Just saying. :) Two views; One, I really am hurt by you. You didn’t have to play me as a friend so hard. I told you over and over, I would rather be your friend than anything else, and you knew that. So since I admit to you that I’m attracted to you, you drop me as a friend? Fucking ridiculous. All I ever did was try and make your day better. I’d go out of my fucking way to make you smile, when I was at my lowest. When my emotions were set up on the table for your approval. I think it’s very childish of you to treat me the way you do now. You must have had some feelings for me, especially the way you acted towards me whenever I had a downfall. You were the only person to believe in me (Or claim you did) for going back to the U. And I appreciated you listening to all my family drama, and helping me through some of the toughest times in my life. If I didn’t have you David, after Christian and I broke up, I would have probably had an emotional breakdown. So thank you. Again. I cherish all the times that we had together, but I really do wish that you someday realize that all I wanted was to make a difference in your day. I wanted you to be happy, to have a girl in your life that didn’t upset you, didn’t treat you like shit. Someone you could consider a best friend. But obviously personality is below all other factors for you huh? I wish you would just crack, and show some emotion, and come to terms with how you’ve been hurt in the past. Quit trying to prove someone something. A relationship isn’t only about sex; even rock stars know that. Tool. It’s a plus if they have “cakes” but if a girl drops what she’s doing to bring you Cup a Soup and root beer when you’re sick; that’s a keeper. You’ve missed out David, and I’m really sad about it. Even if your hard headed ass reads this, you still probably won’t notice it. One day, you’ll see that I was only trying. Trying to make you happy. I didn’t mean to make you hate me. I hope you choose to talk to me someday… and maybe we can become friends again. Because I’m so hurt by you at this point, I’ll never want anything else from you again. Thanks again for the one of the funniest years of my life; even though I have a gut feeling you faked a lot of it. :( I still love you like a brother, DMoss. Please always remember that. <3 you. I’ll always be here for you.
PS:
- You made me really sad when you didn’t come to my birthday party, or Mat Kearny.
- I’m really sorry about doing stuff with your best friends; probably the worst way to get your attention. Right?
- I wish you would have talked to me one on one more, rather than talking shit about me to your sister, and everyone else. Our problems would have been solved, rather than blown up.

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