Take me to the Rock Show

Chadwick marywheather. You are the jail time to my sentence. Haha. I'm really glad a relationship brought us together as friends, and I'm really happy that same relationship has kept us friends. That's written with true honesty. I once thought you were such a troublemaker, and wasn't as eager to hang out with you as I am now. I'm glad that's changed. Some of my best teen memories have been with you. You were always the boy I'd run too when I was sad, or needed advice, even when it was about hating your best friend. I have mad respect for every girl you've ever dated; I couldn't do it. You were way too wild for me, I went for the calmer friend. Haha. You would have been like bitter sweet; so fun and wild, but you would drive me crazier than your buddy drove me too currently. That doesn't say I wouldn't have if you woulda asked. Lol. Jk jk! You always were straight up, and truthful in your answers, and always seem to want the best for me. I appreciate that so much. No bullshit with you. You've made some decisions that I've wanted to kill you over, but you're developing into a great young man. :) I'm really proud of you, and that's a lot coming from me as you know. You're never judgmental, and you somehow always have made me feel "good enough." whatever that means. Fuck corporate America. I feel terrible for not coming and watching you play, but I'll be there soon enough. Your family is wonderful, and always there for me. I'm so upset that you're not able to be the fantastic father I know you could be, but bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks. I tried all my adolescent experimentation with you, and spent wayyyy to much money at BK. You're the real life example of a bad ass. You've dated some weird ass girls, but I'm happy with the idea that you've found the one. I feel like you've matured a lot with Smashley, and I'm excited to keep watching. My only wish is that you get in school, and teach some kids about life. School those rich kids on common sense, by using your fuck up stories. Haha. You've been a great sibling to the other kids by your ma', and I'm jealous I don't have such a great big brother. I'm writing this in front of you, and days like today, I've never had more fun. You make the simplest things fun. Always have. Like blowing up the mystery machine... Even though I was just "your bestfriends girlfriend" I've always considered you more than my boyfriends best friend. I've always thought of you as one of my best friends. :D I'm so excited for when I turn 21, so you can take me out to the bars. And continue teaching me the ways of alcohol. Get off probation so we can just got back to our woods ways. Love you Chad!

How you been, Duluth?

I'll be in Duluth until Sunday. Then I get to see my favorite terrible rapper on Sunday.. Sir Gucci.

I would move to Duluth someday; thus far I have seen about 100 couples walking on the board walk, and I can only dream that someday I can do that with my significant other. Even though it's ridiculously freezing this time of year, especially with the Canadian winds coming off Lake Superior, the couples have their hands tangled fingers in-between one another. Not even going to lie, I got a weeeee bit jealous. As well as envious of these couples. I feel like, even though Duluth is an urban city, especially with all its industrial stuff, shipping and receiving, I could have a happy loving relationship. Like, I understand that just moving to Duluth wouldn't keep me and my future man in love, the environment is so peaceful, and beautiful, it'd be a nice influence. In the cities, for dates, we have some parks, and nice little nature areas; but what's more natural than NATURAL beauty of the great lakes, access to three different states, and an entirely different country? Nothing. nothing at all. So when I have a boyfriend, I'll taking a weekend off work, and forcing them to come to Duluth with me. Just sayin'.
Oh, and it's suppose to snow tomorrow. GOOD OL' MINNESNOWDA.

I wrote you a letter

"Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens; the main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away."

Dear Kayla,

You'll find the one. He'll be perfect, and it'll all work out. Quit rushing things, and just take relationships one day at a time. It's not worth being stressed. Yes, I understand you're desperate. I understand you feel left out because now that you're single, everyone else seems to not be. You'll get there dear, and you'll meet him; good guys come to those who wait.

Calm down. Do some homework, or clean. Be productive and a honorable member of society.. You boy crazy fuck.

Love,
Kayla

Lighter Flick. Inhale. Beat Drops. K-Fear goes in;

This is a year of action; Stand alone, take action, start fresh, express independence.

Kayla: \ka(y)-la\ is pronounced KAY-la; Variant of Kay; "pure"; Kayla is a female given name of Hebrew and Arabic origin, meaning "wise child."
I want my voice heard, because I feel like I have one;
Middle child, of three girls. Irish and Mdewakanton Sioux. Raised by a single father. Mom's a meth addict. Minnesota is where I reside. Athlete; Softball, Hockey, Soccer. I love school. I love anatomy and physiology. I love english. I love to write. I have a multiple best friends. I'm self conscious, and I'll be the first to admit it. I enjoy smoking mary jane, and taking shots of vodka. I dislike berries, mushrooms and tomatoes. I could eat pineapple, chips, and seafood all day. I adore water. Tap water, or Aquafina that is. None of that nasty ice mountain crap. Naturally curly hair. But straighten it everyday. Green eyes; couldn't ask for a better color. I love having DD's. I want a flat stomach. I love my legs. I wouldn't be me if I didn't have my butt chin, and webbed toes. I was in love once. I was heart broken twice. Lust can break a heart as well. I'm optimistic. I go into everything with a smile. I love music; punk, alternative rock, rap, and rat pack kind of stuff. I'd rather not be in college. Even though I love school. If it was acceptable in society, I'd just get pregnant and be a stay at home mom. I got a lot of making up to do for my own mother. My biggest fear is cancer. and being raped. and failure. I'm going to school to be a Physical Therapist, so you can start writing out "Dr. Fearing" now. Or I'll just be an anatomy professor; thats my back up plan. I have an unhealthy obsession with Pascal Dupuis, and a lot of other professional male athletes. I could talk and talk all day. I want a lake home. I was a three kids; boy, girl, boy. I'm pretty much only sexually attracted to caucasians. But I'm not racist at all. I went to an urban high school. I'm glad I came out not as ghetto as most. My heart belongs to my neice, Stephanie; she's the future of America. Meet her, you'll understand. Blink 182 is my favorite band; Atmosphere is up there too. I miss my german shepard Lucy. I'll be the owner of a seal someday; they ma' fav. I refuse to wear Nike shoes. The only brand I search for is adidas. I want to find a good guy and have a serious relationship. I like those; I had one for 5 years, and got my heart broken. I miss him a lot. But I can never forgive him. I like brown hair. I like brown or green eyes. Guys don't have to be tall, but atleast 5'9'. They gotta be athletic. as well as look it. I like sex. I love holding hands. I'd like to be President one day. I wish I was playing Division 1 softball. I should of worked harder. I have a love hate relationship with my dad; I AM his daughter. We're identical in our actions. I envy my grandparents; 52+ strong, I can't think of life without them. I want to be a mom more than anything; if I can't be, I'll probably kill myself. I don't believe in God really; I don't know what is spriturally there, I'm a science girl; I need proof after proof. I do believe in Aliens; if I ever see one. again. I'll probably kill myself. I'm a liberal. A democrat. I'd kill Michelle Bachmann if I could; she embarrasses Minnesota. I believe in gay marriage, and abortion for rape victims, and extreme cases. I want to see Ireland. And dive the Great Barrier Reef. I'd like to save someones life. Not to be a hero, just to practice saving my own. I could drive non-stop if gas wasn't so expensive. My ford explorer is my baby. I work with adults with disabilities, and truthfully, I've shocked myself; I've gotten very open and understanding due to the job. I wish I was better at math. I don't have confidence in school because of my poor math skills. I still sleep with my baby blankie. And I don't care one bit what anyone thinks. I'd wear a tshirt, and sweats or softball shorts everyday if I could. I'm so excited to plan a wedding; I love formal events. When I'm made up the most, is when I'm the most vulnerable. If I dress up, I'm trying to impress, and when I'm trying to impress someone, I open up everyhing; Its easy for me to get hurt. It happens a lot. I'm used to it. I fall easily; I over think males body language, and what they say. I wish I was educated better on that. I'm a published poet; USA hockey magazine, 1997. I want to get a photography book published, as well as an entire poetry album. All for my friends to place on their coffee tables. I use facebook way too much. I love wendys chicken nuggets. I've never had a boxspring bed; Always have had a water bed. I'm independent. I can't wait to live on my own again. I'll be famous for something someday. I have a Presidential crush on john f. kennedy. I want to be able to roll my "R"'s. I get crushes on my friends brothers often. Its a really bad habit. I love mallo cups. If I could live in another decade, I'd live in the 1920's or 1940's. that being said, I'm obsessed with world war two. as well as discovery health channel. my favorite season is winter. I personally love snow! I need to develop a savings, and get better with my money. I'm growing up, I'm learning my way. I'm making changes in my life, because I deserve a lot better than I settle for. I obviously can lay out what I like and what I don't. what I want and what is just foolish. I'm building confidence, and turning heads a long the way.

Meteorology

Thunderstorms roll right through
And I lose all motivation with you
I don't know if I should even try
Especially with the continuation of clouds rolling by
Our forecast is sunny one day
Windy the next
You change your mind like the Temperature
All I can do is dress for the weather
And hope the outlook gets better
You don't see tears
While standing in the rain
And our smiles look the best
In all of the rays
Hold me in the freezing below
So when we kiss
Our boots will meet
Toe to toe
But oh baby, baby
When the sky turns blue
All I know is I want to be lying in bed
Right next to you

If I could only resume your attention

I have avoided looking at any pictures of you. Or even trying to talk to you. I never had you, but I'm so disappointed I don't get to see you anymore; I really wanted to get to know you. I really wanted to be good friends. I've never had your full attention, and that's what gets me the most. I was so set, so sure that I did. The first night we hung out you treated me like a princess. That first night. I wish I would have acted different, maybe I acted interested in you too late? Should I have just asked you up front out on a date. You still owe me a coffee "date", that never happened, and I want to take that shot I passed up with you. I wish we could just start over, and I could choose the other options than I did. Ugh. Maybe then I wouldn't be so lovesick for you. "/
But gatdamn! You're nearly perfect. Do something wrong in my eyes already. Uuggghhh.

horoscopes are;

So you were born March 12th? "No matter what your age, you always remain youthful and playful. You are open to a wide range of ideas, and you have a real sense of the right words to say or write and the best way to present an idea. You would be excellent at promotion or advertising, and also make a warm and interesting friend who always seems to lend a hand or lift others' spirits with words of encouragement. At times impatient with others, your warm heart wins in the end."

Pisces Female? "Highly attractive, the Pisces woman is romantic, caring, sensitive, creative and easily hurt. Highly intuitive she’s likely to be adept at reading body language. Spiritual, mysterious, emotional, imaginative, creative, idealistic, romantic, this woman is one of the dreamers of the zodiac. She senses and feels things which other less sensitive folk miss, perhaps making her often seem a little psychic. The symbol for Pisces is two fish moving in opposite directions, which represents the conflicting desires of flesh and spirit. This is a battle of self indulgence versus self denial, and balancing these two forces is no easy task. Some Pisceans are attracted to drama, art, creativity or fantasy in an attempt to escape from the gritty reality and frequent disappointments of life. Most Pisces discover that the best route to finding inner peace is to give to others, and in many respects this is the most generous and selfless sign. Highly sympathetic, compassionate, self-sacrificing, intuitive and unassuming, they absorb emotions from the environment around them, often becoming happy or depressed based on the mood of others. As such they do far better when with optimists than pessimists. They tend to give a piece of themselves to anyone they love,. They think with their heart and not their head, tending to dislike confrontation or hurting others in any way, and often have difficulty saying no, or leaving bad situations or relationships. The net result of these traits is sadly that Pisces is easily taken advantage of and manipulated by the uncaring or domineering which can create a vicious cycle of lowered self worth and increased need for approval typically from the very people who are bad for them. One of their greatest life lessons is to learn to be a little selfish, in order to better choose who deserves their help and love. In this way the Pisces can transform from a martyr to the strong, to a savior of the weak."

Fo' real. She just really liked Dinosaurs.

"A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life." - William Arthur Ward
Chloe. Ann. Taipale. First and foremost, that picture of us and Gucci Mane (WHICH IS REAL). took me FOREVER. Its probably time I invest some moments downloading a photoshop torrent. Secondly, the quote above, is you in my mind perfectly. You are my humor; when ever I need to laugh, I have no doubt in your abilities to make me crack up. And in no way am I trying to say you're a "Joke" to me. I'm saying that I could not adore you more, and a large part of the Chloe I know and love is because of your humor. Even since 1st grade, we've been best friends. We were a team dude. Remember errrrrvyone crying because they couldn't sit next to you. Well shhiiittt, I had that chair on lock. I didn't care how many tears Jacquline, or Amy cried. WE WERE THE DUO. Whenever I think of our first encounter, I think of you with a Dinosaur book in hand, and schooling Rick on Dino-facts. I was constantly impressed with your usage of large words like "Herpatologist." I was 7, I didn't know how to repeat that shit verbally. But hey, we got along great, and you always brought a lunch; I would ask you why, and you would tell me stories about evil lunch ladies, and apples that had came to life. But with all your stories as gifts to me, when you got your patch, I wore tape on my face, to show you how much I cared about you. Another thing I respect so much about you is your ability to take nothing too serious; I have only seen you upset a handful, if that, amount of times. I on the other hand, can upset over everything, and stressed out. I dont know how you remain your composure? I'm seriously jealous of it. I can't express how thankful I am that I had you by my side through all our Pre-Teen life lessons. We had our first jobs together, our first police experiences together (but did we not get some cool makeup, bracelets, earrings, and all other ridiculous things are parents would have just bought us?) as well as talked about our first crushes together.. Duane. Liam. Oh good times, good times. Oh, and what about the skater persona I basically forced you into? But most of all, I think of this everytime I drink a cherry coke; the bathroom pop fight. Cherry coke cans everywhere, ferrets frolocking around the house, and homemade pizzas that we'd make together every sleepover. <3 We were (are!) the definition of best friends in my opinion. We did shit we'd read about in our J14's, and shit we watched on Degrassi. But lastly, I can't forget to mention the time we set a timer on your TV so we could watch the Spice Channel...then we woke up at 6am, and missed the movie. Thats when my obsession with porn began...
With all great times, there are always some bad. I have admitted it, and I will admit it again. Mr. Christian changed our relationship, and I allowed him too. I'm still so sorry for that. I should have never put him in front of you, no matter what. I didn't realize what I was doing at the time, and it came back to bite me. I respect you a lot for dealing with it, and when him and I broke up, you were there for me still. Thats a true friend. Thats someone I owe so much too, because of that. Especially since you seemed to be one of the biggest supporters of the relationship, and really helped get it started. But he's a problem we'll never have to deal with again... and I've learned my lesson. Promise. I'm really happy that we're developing our friendship again, right where we left off. I love that we can always pick up from where we left off, and have the time of our lives. We are sooo different in so many ways, but for us to be as close as we are, just shows that none of those differences matter; just the way any friendship should be. You know I cried when you left for St. Scholastica? I didn't think you'd come back...haha, BUT YOU DID! and I'm SO thankful for that. Its like a sign from black jesus himself that we need to eat at popeeyes a lot more, and maybe we'll run into our future blinged out husbands... like homeboy with two blackberrys..? Its a possibility. I never have a bad time with you, and I want you to know, that even though we don't hang out every weekend. Or even talk everyday. You are always going to have a secured spot in my life, and my heart. You're like a sister to me. I can honestly say Tiffany and Melady are both obsessed with you... "Chloe's coming?!" You're also a great excuse to get out of chores.. Dad: "Clean. Or I'll beat you." Kayla "I'm going to hang with Chloe, and have a sleepover." Dad: "Oh! Okay! :D Have a GREAT TIME!" And to be completely honest, I'm so excited to see where you end up in life. You're going to be famous I hope. I'd be awesome if it was for your writing ability, or you're just going to have to be the next CoCo. Your choice. I won't judge.
In closing, I love you. <3 I don't know what kind of person I'd be if I didnt know you. When everything and everyone fails me in Saint Paul, I know I can take a 15min drive to 96, and have my entire day flipped, and be in the best mood of my life. I don't frown when I'm with you, and I don't EVER question myself. You make everything a joke, and you supply criticism when its needed. I don't think I'll ever have as much fun watching music videos and stuffing my face with Doritos or the all time favorite, Funyums than I do with you. I'm excited to do it together with our animals we hoard in out trap house someday. So CAT, again, thank you for being my best friend again. :)

GUCCI.

PS: If or shall I say when we have heart attacks, this photo below can be used as evidence.

Boys are bad. Guys are good. Men you marry.

Since boys dont have feelings or emotions, none of you get a full blog post. So here are my top guys friends, and a little blurb about them all. I want you GUYS to know I appreciate everything you bring to my life.

"I'm the tomboy so I got to be a little butch." - Laura Prepon

First off. Micheal Paul. Who? MIKE BROWN. I love to give you all the shit in the world Mike, and I thank you so much for taking it all. *By the way, like our picture? I had to cut a certain EX out, and then it looked like I didnt have hair...Thus MicroPaint had to do.* I've known Mr. Brown since Freshman year in high school; I knew him as a loud, obnoxious, kid, who would laugh whenever I told someone I was from Compton...I had people believing it, and to this day, I still don't know who knows the truth. Come to find out this past year, Mike is from Compton. He probably knew my lies all along.. Anyways. Mike over the last year you have dealt with me at all types of highs and lows, and I know you've gotten quite frustrated with me. But alas, you still have my back. Your stern and strict, and I feel like you treat me like I'm a little sister of yours... Not Nicole exactly, because you have a bond there thats unbreakable, but you always try to protect me; even when your words might break my heart, I know you mean the best. I appreciate you dropping what you're doing to come outside when I show up unexpectedly, and watch the planes at the airport with me. And get really chopped. Thats a nice bonus. I also respect you a lot more as a whole person now, since you've started to open up to me about your past, present and future. You speak a big game my friend, but I'm glad I can see you have goals, and plans to win that game. You get ghetto at times, and I love how you allow me to call you out on it. As well as when you call me out on my white tendencies. We keep each other balanced in a friendship, and that's the best. I'm glad you can take everything I throw at you, and you throw things at me underhand. (Even though I COULD handle your opinions full on, I'm glad you sugar coat them in the heat of the moment). My only thing to say to you, is that I'm proud of you. I'm glad we're so close, and we are so open with each other. QUIT being a horndog though. Your girl will come. Chill out. I know thats HILARIOUS coming from me, but oh well. It needed to be said. Don't fall head over heels in every relationship you get in. And from a female's perspective, you can do A LOT better than the girls you've talked to in the past. Just sayin'. And get your ass back in school, get that degree, and then worry about the Navy. I know you're set on it, but you're a very intelligent young man, and I'd rather see you on the paper for curing cancer, than for killing a pirate.

"I was a tomboy and most of my close friends were male." - S. E. Hinton
So Kevin, since we don't actually have a photo together, I made one. I tried to find a wake boarding one, but no luck. :( Mr. Richards, I don't know how I could possibly describe you to someone; you're really the only friend I've even made at the U. I mean, yeah, I have people I chat to, but I can actually talk to you. And you listen. For the short time I've known you (Anatomy 1135 Spring Semester Freshman year represent!) I think with the limited resources we have of actually hanging out together, we have developed a damn good friendship. I can call you, and you always answer. I'll text you, and you always text back. Its refreshing to know I have you as an option whenever I need someone. Even though 99% of our conversations consist of the following topis; Fuck college, Fuck girls, Fuck boys, Fuck being single, Fuck work, and "I'm drunky," I feel that we work well together. Like I said, I barely know you, but I know you so well. Its a funny relationship. I'm glad you stole my number off facebook back in the "day" and that my ring tone was (and should still be) "Like A Boss." Because Kevin, together we are exactly that; bosses. Plus it was nice to have a good guy friend that the Ex got jealous of. haha, always entertaining. Here is my advice for you; Keep doing what you're doing. Forget about stupid girls who hurt you, and know that you are ONE ATTRACTIVE GUY, and you have a great personality, and if a girl doesn't like you? MAYBE she knows you're too good for her. Since I wrote you this, I want to party with you soon. This has never happened, and it needs too. No more excuses. I know you have my number, so know that I'll still text back whenever you text me. PS: WE'RE gunna get one of our conversations on tfln.com. Before I die.

"I've always been like that. I was a tomboy when I was a kid, so I was always playing baseball and basketball and football and stuff as a kid with the boys."- Catherine Bell

Cory Borgan! Circa 2002. Where would my life be without you? Since we were 12 years old, you and I have had the best Guy/Girl friendship ever. Granted we have had some crazy situations come our way, and we've taken time off from even talking, I'm so glad we still can talk about anything. Its crazy how things happen in life...You know that better than anyone. You have dealt with a lot of drama in your 20 years, and you've helped me through all the drama that's come my way. I appreciate it our friendship a lot, and that's why I always try to come and visit you at Holiday. I know that you'll always be there when I need to chat about the dumbest, smallest, girly-est things. You always give me your opinion in a respectable manor, and never like to see me hurt. I can tell that's something that you always try and fix for me. You always try and say the best thing for the situation, and you put a smile on my face. I'm glad that you care so much about me as a person. Looking back, I'm really sorry for what I did to make our senior year as distant from each other as it was. I would totally take that back if I could. Boyfriends do that to girls; and you should understand, since you know, You were related to the kid. haha. I'm glad though when I came back to our friendship, you were there with open arms. I'm grateful you've been able to talk to me about pretty much everything in your life, and accept my opinions. I like our new smoke breaks...although I promise you and myself they won't last long. I'm so happy you finally have a girlfriend who is so dedicated to you; You deserve it. I say that will every honest ounce in my body. I can't wait for the wedding day! Hopefully I am at your side, as your "Best Man." haha, I'm really excited if this actually happens. Otherwise I'm completely fine with being an usher...thats cool too. Cory, you're like a brother, and thank you for all the advice you've given me, and all the notes we used to write to each other in junior high. I still have them all in a shoebox, and can't wait to bust those bad boys out someday. I'd like to just add this about you Mr. Borgan; GET YOUR ASS IN SCHOOL. You are TOO smart to be wasting away behind a counter. Or at home. You have the brain to be something big. You're academically intelligent, and you have an enormous amount of street smarts. Forget about the money, take some loans out, and do it. I'm gunna bug you about this until you do it. I'll motivate you until I can't no more. Okay I'm done. :)

"I suppose I`m more of a tomboy than the girly-girl, which is why I can`t walk on stilettos very well." - Keira Knightley

Surprise surprise Mr. Hawaiian! You made it on my blog. Yeah, its not as cool as all your reviews and shit, but I can only update my facebook status so many times without you judging me on my song lyrics, and my girly bitches. So this is my ode to you Mr. Murphy. First I'd like to describe you in a quote; "I'm a simple man. All I want is enough sleep for two normal men, enough whiskey for three, and enough women for four." - Joel Rosenberg Secondly, THANK YOU for being my go to guy in High School. I'm so glad you wore that Dropkick Murphys tshirt in Ms. Taube's class. Otherwise who would know where we would be today? I was so happy to know that I was not the only person in Humboldt with some sort of education in damn good music. I'd like to thank Dropkick for our friendship. Without them, I'd probably just think you were a quiet, shy, werid kid. Who spoke ever so softly. But because of that Tshirt of yours, I know that you're really fucking cool, and if I want to have an intelligent conversation about pop culture, and critique it, you're the guy to talk too. Even though since graduation, we havn't hung out much, when we have those have been some of the nights I want to remember. I always have fun when I'm with you, and when we text, or do crazy amounts of posting to each other on facebook, I'm glad that you havn't jumped on the "I hate Kayla" bandwagon like most of your friend group. I'm glad we're still cool. :) I'm really proud of you, from a friend to friend, for all the things you're doing. I'm glad that of all the people I want to succeed, you're taking some personal responsibility, and going out and getting what you want. I love to read your reviews, and see how pissed off you make people; even though I don't agree with some of the things you are strong opinionated about, I gain more respect for you everything I read. I also have noticed we don't have too many heart to hearts; I'm completely fine with that, but if you ever need to talk, know that I'd love to listen to you, and help the best I can. All I have to end this with is that I only wish the best for you, and I'm excited to see how far you go in your projects. ALSO, we're going to a show together. Soon. Rather than our half assed attempts we've done, like all the Irish Fairs, and Taste. We're pregaming and going to a show, and you can fight guys, and I'll fight girls. It'll be like senior year car pool, All over again. Again, don't review my blog. I don't think I could take your great word choices. lol.

Gentleman, I love having you all in my life. Our relationships all vary from level to level, but know I enjoy having you there. :D
...I mean, We're cool. I think you are all really cool, and manly, and guylike. Fuck bitches get money.

Hi, this is the Lupus foundation.

ERC UP IN THIS BITCH.
Ms. Emma Rose. How is it that over our years, you know, since that young '96, we have still kept in contact? Maybe its meant to be? Maybe because we need each other? We don't have to use the word NEED...I guess want is better. I want you in my life. I can only hope you want me in yours. Like how does it happen, by chance I guess, that we were somewhat as rivals in our early years? It was Chloe and I as one of the bff girl friendships in Ricks Class, then it was Natalie and yourself as the other. All the other first graders wanted to be us...You know it! But now, 14 years later, there's really not much of Chloe and I, or Natalie and you; Its You and I. <3 And with all the arguments, disagreements, laughs, crys, hot tub nights, bar fights (Get Cryphy!), random boys houses, broken parking ramp arms, duluth trips and falling in love with UMD boys at age 15, I wouldn't have wanted to grow up any other way. I like to think you're the true you in front of me. I know you may think I judge you often, but I really don't. I'll accept you for you any time of day. I may act like I'm disappointed in you, or that I'm unhappy with some of the decisions you make, but it's not to hurt you. Its a weird friend defense mechanism I was with you... I always have. You're such a confident person, I hate to see that lost. I hate to see you in situations where your confidence lacks. Its frustrating. I bet it is for you as well. I've always believed in the dreams you have for yourself, and I know you can do it. Everytime you sing, I think of 5th grade when you would CONSTANTLY be singing "Reflection" from Mulan. Even though I'm not a huge fan of Xtina, I have the song in my itunes, and have had it in every ipod I've ever had, all because it reminds me of you. There are a lot of things about you that I create that connection with. Mini Vans and Escalades are also in there...Especially how the Hawaiian fire probably STILL has Escalade written on the back of the seats? Or how everytime I get a quasdilla at Taco Bell, I remember how the first time I had one was with you...After your birthday at Camp Snoopy. Alright alright, enough with the stories. I also want to say, within the last year, we've both grown up a lot, and it makes me really happy that I actually see it in you. I barely see it in myself, but I catch myself thinking now "Emmas got this." As your friend, I'm thankful to be apart of it. Even though its personal, I get to sit back and watch.
I'm glad we really don't have limits with each other; both, you and I are extremely independent, and hard headed. We both have our opinions, and we stick to them, and we argue with the best of them. Even when we get pissed at each other over our disagreements, we always find each other again. You're like the brother I never had. Especially since I think we really were suppose to be men. I can say with the biggest smile on my face, I am SO thankful that you laugh at my jokes, and you have the ability to bring the laughter right back to me. Everytime I send you a housing listing, I get nervous; We're gunna live with each other someday, quote me on that. But even if we drive each other crazy, I hope to whatever is up in space, that we can work whatever problems out with each other. And in all honestly, hopefully it'll make us enjoy each other even more..? It's probably a Pisces thing...We're so much alike we wanna kill each other. But OH WELL. You're stuck with me. Rather you like it or not. Unless you really push me to the edge, which its always came close, but its never happened, I'm still gunna be there. We've been through way to many memories together, DI, was ridiculous. I'm glad we don't really have the same taste in guys, otherwise we'd probably have a lot more problems. haha, who knows, maybe we'll just marry the same guy someday? I know you're down as long as He lives in Minneapolis, has a beard, and likes ICP. ;)
Again, in all honestly, I want you to be next to me when I get married. <3 and when I have babies. and when I'm dying from obesity.

BO. No, not Body Odor.

Okay, so I'm starting this story off with a complaint..HOW DO WE ONLY HAVE ONE PICTURE OF US TOGETHER?! Like seriously. Just us. This needs to change. We have like 4 years to make up...
Secondly, Bethany. I'm glad we're on good terms again. Even though we're not like CONSTANTLY in connection with each other, I was pretty sad when we werent talking. There I admitted it. And yeah, I probably did over react, and I'm glad everything is positive again. Now I tell story;
Well I've known this young latina since 7th grade. We didn't really talk all that much until our Junior Year (when some transfer kid came and acted like glue between us. You know who you are...) But I'm glad you decided to play soccer because I was desperate for players in 10th grade! (or was it 9th? I dont remember). Soccer helped us get to know each other, and we clicked. We're kind of a weird friendship when you think about it... We both have other friends outside of us. Some of yours I like more than others, and I think you can agree with that statement. I respect that your mature enough to never make me choose, just because you hate someone I'm friends with. I mean, me and someone in your group have a lot more negativity than you towards my friends...But gat damnit, you get the point. I respect how close you are with your family, and how dedicated you are in any type of relationship you're in. You're overly kind, and it makes you who you are. You personally have your limits, and you know when and how to stand up for yourself. You have a high boiling point, and that's rare these days. You work hard, and are satisfied by the smallest things. And did I mention even when you look terrible, you still look better than any outfit, or hair style I could come up with? You have natural beauty, and I want you to recognize that. I'm glad you understand my pain, of lowing ourselves to Inver, but atleast you know you're better than this place. (aka the library I'm writing this in). Sorry if I swear to much for you, and just know I get super excited when you actually swear. (It makes me feel like I'm not that much of a loser, because Bethany is swearing it up too!) You have a lot of options in your life right now, and I'm glad you're moving slow and taking it step by step. I learn from you in that aspect, because I really try and move things too fast, where you slow everything down. If you doubt yourself at anytime now, know that one person believes in you to the fullest. You'll be fine. :)
Ps: I'm glad you hate Inver too. It makes coming to this awful school a lot easier for me, because I know you feel the same way.

All Babies like Milk

Ms. Abby. This is too you. (Obvi) Its not a video like your homegirl Annie be making you, but shhiiit, Its the best I can do without a webcam.
So I just want to let you know that you are good enough. you are living up above the expectations, and you are a good person. oh, and not a racist, I should probably add that. I enjoy our heart to hearts, and how we're able to express our opposite feelings towards each other, and not get offended, or even the smallest amount of anger, frustration. I love how strong you are. You stand your ground, even when you feel at your lowest and worst. You have a lot of crap, and negative things come your way, but you deal with them like a mature young lady, and go back to what you were doing...without missing a beat. I wish I was mature as you to this day. I got 3 years, and 312 days on your life, but you still am more of an adult than I am. I could only imagine what it would be like to be you; I'd go crazy. and You havnt yet, so thats a great sign of how you'll end up in life. I know that its that time of high school for you to be looking at schools; go where YOU want. No one else's opinion matters. If you stay in MN, sick, thats awesome. But if you want to go away to Arizona, do it! You'll do just as well there as here, and shit, you make a friend every where you go, so don't worry about being a loner down there. You might look kind of goofy with shorts and a hoodie on everyday, but you could probably still pull it off in 110 degree heat. I want you to know I'll support you of any decision you make, regardless of my feelings on it. We've discussed this, we both just have to put our minds to whatever we want and go for it. I've tripped and fallen down with somethings, but I'm glad you've been there to see my downfalls. I know you process them, and realize what YOU'RE GOING TO DO to not repeat in others setbacks. You're a VERY intelligent, beautiful, one of a kind girl. I know you know it deep down, you just have to admit it to yourself on a daily basis. But you're Baby, you probably know that. You teach me so much about the simple things in life, and its greatly appreciated. Especially when you don't need to live a simple life, you choose too. And for that you get my greatest respect. Oh, and don't even trip; You'll get your mixed British man, and your twins someday. :)
It'll be especially easy when you're a world famous psychologist for kids who use Ellies too much. You know, my future teenagers. They'll totally be able to relate to "Aunt Abby"
"That had strengths of thousands beasts"

Ode to Atown

It was winter of thy Junior year in high school. Here comes another tomboy looking hardass, coming into class in sweats and a hoodie, looking half asleep like me. Everyone else got ready for school; not me and this girl. We woke up at 7:20am, hauled ass to class by 7:29am and walked in like we obviously didnt want to be there, and we'd rather not be there, we'd rather be sleeping or down in dickinsons office sleeping. Oh, and we both liked soccer. She more than I, but she was the only other white girl on the team. Even though I pretty sure her pigment is quite wrong...And now we're bestfriends.
Amber, I want you to know I appreciate you more and more everyday. We both share crazy amounts of knowledge with each other about life, and we relate. Even though I constantly am talking, you can shut me up. haha. I think you're going to be and already am an amazing mother of Taylor, and I'm excited to watch him grow up into a fine gentleman. I believe in everything you do, and thats not even trying to suck up. For realllll. I know you can do anything you put your mind too, rich or poor. You're such a good sister to all your siblings, a caring girlfriend, which I thought I was a great girlfriend in my times, but you blow me out of the water in some cases. You're crazy smart, even though one wouldnt assume that at first glance or conversation..Its like your secret weapon. Its crazy. You crack me up with your driving skills, and your "Well shit happens" attitude, and you get right back to it. So with all that being said; we may not talk everyday, or we may hang out and talk constantly for a week straight. Always know that unless you do something to ruin our friendship, I'm on your side. :)

Happy what would have been 6 years

I've been thinking about you so much lately. I don't know why. I don't know how I keep having these dreams where you and I are happy. What if that was the reality? I'd still be a child. I wouldn't have grown up the last year like I have. But you don't even know what I would give up for the feeling of young love again; the head over heels first eyes on the sight kinda love we had. Yeah, it's not the healthiest. Or the safest. But we had it down. Waiting for your parents to leave so we could make out under the sheets and hold hands every step we took. Those were the best feelings in the world.
However. I resent missing out so much about myself while I was with you; it seems the last year we were together you left me alone emotionally in the relationship to do your own thing. You grew, and I didn't. I thought the point of all of this was so we could grow together? Not to just leave me. And that's exactly what you did. You left me alone. And for that, I'll never forgive you. Never. That's what hurts the most. You should of known what you had, before you just went and gave it away. You never chased me after I left your house that afternoon; you didn't even walk me out.
I'm so incredibly hurt by you. Still. I feel like I'm a better person when I'm in a relationship; all I did ever was try and make you happy. I felt security knowing you were by my side, and you believed in me. Now, you can't even be my friend. Your girlfriend (who to my knowledge still, you were seeing before we broke up). Treats you like shit. All she does is put you down, all over for everyone to see. Basically I needed to vent this all out; baby c, you deserve much better. You're not a bad person one bit. You're a sweetheart when you choose to be. I hate to admit how jealous I am of you. You're going places. I'm excited to see all your wonderful buildings all over the world and for you to be known as "one of the greatest" ever. I'm also waiting to see how you rebuild saint Pauls skyline.
I love you. And I always will. I love the kid I knew and who took me by the hand when I was 14 and kissed me so passionately, it caught me off guard. And said so nervously, with cracking in his voice "I really really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?"

Come back. 651 is beautiful this time of year

It seems to me that whenever a Guy shows me any interest, I respond in a positive way, they're gone within days. Am I that much of a loser? Am I that unattractive? It's starting to get to me. Dating is really really upsetting and stressful at my age.. Young age of 20. It's like no one wants to date; no one wants companionship. Probably doesn't help me much, that I'm so dependent on companionship.
I'm basically head over heels for this guy; he asked me all my details first, and got MY number, which was so flattering. Hung out with that night, but didn't stay long, and made up a lake excuse to leave, on the benefit of a friend. Did I ruin everything then? The next time we hung out, he was very distant and wasn't acknowledging me like he did in the beginning.. Alas, he's not by me anymore. :( he's outta state at school... I barely know him, but I miss him a ton. He's seemingly perfect. Saint Paul isn't that bad of a drive.
Or we have mr. Summercamp. I had a HUGE crush on him when I was at MITY a few years ago. He was from the west coast, so I only got to get to know him for 2weeks, them being while I had a boyfriend. However this kid ate every meal with us, and flirted a lot. His sense of humor was delightful, and he was a cutie. Well he stayed in touch with me very well, and as now been showing signs of some attraction; too bad he just moved to Africa for a year to teach. :) he's such a hippie.. But he's still adorable. I feel the need for him to come back to saint Paul as well.

Minnesota boys, let's get it together.
One guy I like is a state away; the other in Africa.
What's a lonely girl to do?

Plus, Saint Paul is beautiful this time of year; my hands will get ccooolldd ;)

Battle of the Fall of 09

We both drew our weapons
Yours was a girl
Mine was revenge
We cant pretend it was either of our faults
Especially when we cant agree
Who did what
You had the first shot
I defended myself
Thus, my hit came back without any innocence
Full on
The worst thing thinkable
Drugs Alcohol and Sex
To show off my loneliness
Of all the neglect I had from you
If I wouldn’t have told you
We'd perhaps be together
Simply because you didn’t come clean
Til I got dirty
But you were already with her
Before October Thirty
So now will you admit what you did
Just because I was in the dark
You had already taken your mark at the line of heartbreak
And fear
You still find me as the one to blame
Whatever you can do
I can do better
I'm a lover
But damn sure will always be a fighter
And that’s the reason why we're not together
We created a problem of two
And made it into four
That’s the exact time I walked out your door
No effort
No emotion
No Ammo left
And that was the battle of our relationship

Hold Hands; not grudges

The hardest thing for me to ever do with a guy is hold hands. Holding hands is the most amazing sensation in the world to me.
Its not just touching hands; it has to be finger locked, palms lined up, hand holding. The type of hand holding that will make your entire body warm, and send tingles down your spine. The hand holding that screams to everyone that witnesses it;

"The ultimate test to a relationship is not to argue, but to hold hands." - Alexandra Penney
<3

Sweet Dreams

Please go ahead and help me
With this sick obsession fear
Its bedtime once again
And you're no where close to near

I want you to be the reason for a road trip.
The reason for the drive.
The ending obstacle.
Of a never ending reason to strive.

Its like one plus one equals none
I don't know how to reach out to you
I try and I try
But there's still no mended ties

Send me a message
A text
A dove
Just something to show me
That there is a possibility of love

It’s a tough situation
You there, and
I here
But before you don't try
Don't even consider a good-bye

I barely know you
Though I want you close to me
A snuggle, a cuddle
A heart beating through a chest
My face on your pillow
Your hand over mine
As we talk about life laughs and fears
With or without having a few beers

I think we'd get along nice
And you'll have to agree
You're preventing dreams
Because all I can think about
Is you lying in bed next to me
With all of our sweet dreams

I read your bio.

I want you to be the reason for a road trip.
The reason for the drive.
The ending obstacle.
Of a never ending reason to strive.

... to be continued.

you know.

"a soul is a soul, and a shell is a shell.
the border in between is full of everything you felt."

- atmosphere

A name of Perfection

Oh, Hi, Hey, How are you?
Just wanted to say
Sorry if I come off a little too strong
Its just like
You're pretty special
Sorry if that sounds corny
You just got that body
That Smile
That causes me to stop and stare for awhile
Forced to catch my breath
Over and Over again
Remind me of my loneliness
…and Hornyness
You just put ideas in my head
That aren't appropriate to be discussed outside of bed
True that I barely know you
False that I don’t want to try
Lets keep this scholarly;
I want to know all your angles
Have you showing me formulas, fractions and theories
Listen to you
Have you strum those bass strings
Get down
Playing with all your X's and Y's
I'd be studying all the time
Solving your triangle
You reaching your mass
And I can witness your volume
Only you will understand what I mean
When I state "Lets subtract X from Z"
Yeah its nerdy, but I'm just trying to be flirty
I'm trying to say, lets start over
Tutor session;
Books, Pens, Pencils
Beds, Cars, Floors, clothes..
I'm getting off track again
Hi my names Desperate,
And you must be Perfect.

- KF

Until She Cries

The tears started with one little argument
Two stressed out kids
Three weeks later
Forty dollars spent
No more "Us"
No more "Together"
There was no understanding
Especially no talking
It ends that way
Was all destroyed in these few days
That very last night
When it was all a fight
He made her cry
That one last night

One month later
She cries and she tries
He's already over it, and she's still inside
She's back to business
Back to the reality of heart break
How can she lose a best friend and her guy, all with one line?
Its on to the next one

Spring time summer time shine
She could be glowing
But she's still matte
The next one was a user
A great resource abuser
She was so anxious
She completely ignored it
Until the day she gave out one more chance
One more chance at destroying loneliness
He didn't take this last chance
Now she's crying
Debating if she continues trying
No more late nights and
"I don’t trust you" fights
He shrugged it all off, without all her care
That’s when he made her cry
That one last time

The first love followed by the one
That never was
She drives away shy
Doesn’t exactly know how to say good-bye
She's still trying to learn to let go
Once she's attached
Its gridlock;
Until he makes her cry that one last time
Then she's done, and she attaches herself to the next guy
Until he'll make her cry.
That one last time.

-KF