Happy what would have been 6 years

I've been thinking about you so much lately. I don't know why. I don't know how I keep having these dreams where you and I are happy. What if that was the reality? I'd still be a child. I wouldn't have grown up the last year like I have. But you don't even know what I would give up for the feeling of young love again; the head over heels first eyes on the sight kinda love we had. Yeah, it's not the healthiest. Or the safest. But we had it down. Waiting for your parents to leave so we could make out under the sheets and hold hands every step we took. Those were the best feelings in the world.
However. I resent missing out so much about myself while I was with you; it seems the last year we were together you left me alone emotionally in the relationship to do your own thing. You grew, and I didn't. I thought the point of all of this was so we could grow together? Not to just leave me. And that's exactly what you did. You left me alone. And for that, I'll never forgive you. Never. That's what hurts the most. You should of known what you had, before you just went and gave it away. You never chased me after I left your house that afternoon; you didn't even walk me out.
I'm so incredibly hurt by you. Still. I feel like I'm a better person when I'm in a relationship; all I did ever was try and make you happy. I felt security knowing you were by my side, and you believed in me. Now, you can't even be my friend. Your girlfriend (who to my knowledge still, you were seeing before we broke up). Treats you like shit. All she does is put you down, all over for everyone to see. Basically I needed to vent this all out; baby c, you deserve much better. You're not a bad person one bit. You're a sweetheart when you choose to be. I hate to admit how jealous I am of you. You're going places. I'm excited to see all your wonderful buildings all over the world and for you to be known as "one of the greatest" ever. I'm also waiting to see how you rebuild saint Pauls skyline.
I love you. And I always will. I love the kid I knew and who took me by the hand when I was 14 and kissed me so passionately, it caught me off guard. And said so nervously, with cracking in his voice "I really really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?"