Suicide Note

What if I pulled out a notebook
Wrote down all my problems
Underlined all my sorrows
Explained how I felt
And worded it all
So you knew that my heart would always melt
When I was dealing with you

What if I pulled out some weapons
Wrote down all my confidence
Thanked all those for things I once borrowed
Rather it be tools, or their ears
And to the ones who helped me express my fears
Just so you know I chose to hold back my tears
When I was willing to just close

When I pulled the trigger
Wrote down all the problems; wrote down all the confidence
Underlined sorrow, thanked those who've borrowed
Worded, and made them listen by ear
All about dealing with you.
And how I was just willing to close our chapter
I've hit the threshold
I've just been in the way

The day I die;
There will be no shame
Because when you read my suicide note
You'll only have yourself to blame.

Drama

Constantly
Its like a competition
You weren't even there
But you feel like you have a voice in it
Did you hear how I said it
Do you understand the situation
Did you even ask questions
Or did you just turn around and run
Your ugly little mouth
Trying to one up me
Or even all three of us
We start asking
Who do you trust
And what to expect
From the girls who try to hurry up
And change their dress
A compliment turns into a discussion
That turns into an argument
That’s turns into fighting
And all our hearts are hurting
Just take your time and let it be
Quick restarting something
That never had to be
Zip your lips, and shut your mouth
You know damn well what I'm talking about
The attention you're getting
Is all negative
Tearing the group apart
Like we were all just pieces of clip art

Carry Me Home

I believe in hopeful street art
And I believe in heroes
I want to make the world go around
With the help of other people
I'm a dreamer
That’s all
I can talk all day
And pretend all night
I want to kiss and makeup
With every boy that’s hurt me
I want to hug it out
With all I've turned down
Not because they weren't good enough for me
Simply because I'm selfish
Opinionated
And hard headed
I want what I want
And I like what I see
I just tell myself over and over again
"He's for sure the one for me"
Until I end up on the floor
And you carry me home
I believe in endless lines
And I believe in the bad guys
I want to cure cancer
While eliminating other disease
I'm a young lady
That's all
I can cry all day
Cake makeup on, and be out for the night
I want to dance with you one last time
Just to see if you're different
But you're probably not
I'm not judging
I just know the real you
Simply because I tried
Effortlessly
And full hearted
I try and I try
And I'll finally get upset and say good bye
"You do this to yourself"
Until I end up on the floor
And someone carries me home

Wait it Out

Move slow
Breath deep
Calming touches
And lighting torches
Don't speed up
Take ones time
If I fuck up
It'll all be on the line
Never waited this long
I never put in this kind of effort
But I want it all so bad
I wait and wait
Then I give in
Adrenaline rush back into my head
With every text you send
Rather it be a sentence or three
I always take the attention towards me
Sit down and relax
You're not even in town
No reason to get my hopes up
There's plenty of other girls there
But I don't want to give up because of that
I want to try harder
By not even trying
Breaking habits
And bending rules
Waiting and waiting
Just slightly attempting
But when you respond
It seems more should be done
Baby steps
One day at a time
If it all works out fine
If it doesn't I'll just have to say good-bye
And I'll have to reassess the time waited

She's the One

Hoodie and Some sweat pants
Yeah that’s when I look my best
Hair up, bangs down
I'll make you second guess
Is this the girl I really want?
Is she the one for me?
Is she the one that'll make me laugh
And make me want to scream?
She's fit
She's fun
And always brings me ice cream
She's a guys best friend
And a girls worst enemy
I know all the best things to say
When your xbox doesn’t work
I can't change your vehicles oil,
But I can get the repair shops number and dial
I'll be your best friend, and lover
All underneath one cover
I make meals, and deals
Plus have my own wheels
And your exes will never hurt me
I'm like the combo pack
You've always wanted
Even with some extra features
I don't get jealous
And I don't like to fight
Because relationships should have those rights
Do your thing, and I'll do mine
But please, at least come in at a reasonable time
Hold my hand
Introduce me to your band
I may not be perfect
But falling for me is worth it
I'm low maintence
But I' m educated on Cosmo
Give me a chance
And you'll want to continue our dance

Meteorology

Thunderstorms roll right through
And I lose all motivation with you
I don't know if I should even try
Especially with the continuation of clouds rolling by
Our forecast is sunny one day
Windy the next
You change your mind like the Temperature
All I can do is dress for the weather
And hope the outlook gets better
You don't see tears
While standing in the rain
And our smiles look the best
In all of the rays
Hold me in the freezing below
So when we kiss
Our boots will meet
Toe to toe
But oh baby, baby
When the sky turns blue
All I know is I want to be lying in bed
Right next to you

Battle of the Fall of 09

We both drew our weapons
Yours was a girl
Mine was revenge
We cant pretend it was either of our faults
Especially when we cant agree
Who did what
You had the first shot
I defended myself
Thus, my hit came back without any innocence
Full on
The worst thing thinkable
Drugs Alcohol and Sex
To show off my loneliness
Of all the neglect I had from you
If I wouldn’t have told you
We'd perhaps be together
Simply because you didn’t come clean
Til I got dirty
But you were already with her
Before October Thirty
So now will you admit what you did
Just because I was in the dark
You had already taken your mark at the line of heartbreak
And fear
You still find me as the one to blame
Whatever you can do
I can do better
I'm a lover
But damn sure will always be a fighter
And that’s the reason why we're not together
We created a problem of two
And made it into four
That’s the exact time I walked out your door
No effort
No emotion
No Ammo left
And that was the battle of our relationship

Sweet Dreams

Please go ahead and help me
With this sick obsession fear
Its bedtime once again
And you're no where close to near

I want you to be the reason for a road trip.
The reason for the drive.
The ending obstacle.
Of a never ending reason to strive.

Its like one plus one equals none
I don't know how to reach out to you
I try and I try
But there's still no mended ties

Send me a message
A text
A dove
Just something to show me
That there is a possibility of love

It’s a tough situation
You there, and
I here
But before you don't try
Don't even consider a good-bye

I barely know you
Though I want you close to me
A snuggle, a cuddle
A heart beating through a chest
My face on your pillow
Your hand over mine
As we talk about life laughs and fears
With or without having a few beers

I think we'd get along nice
And you'll have to agree
You're preventing dreams
Because all I can think about
Is you lying in bed next to me
With all of our sweet dreams

I read your bio.

I want you to be the reason for a road trip.
The reason for the drive.
The ending obstacle.
Of a never ending reason to strive.

... to be continued.

A name of Perfection

Oh, Hi, Hey, How are you?
Just wanted to say
Sorry if I come off a little too strong
Its just like
You're pretty special
Sorry if that sounds corny
You just got that body
That Smile
That causes me to stop and stare for awhile
Forced to catch my breath
Over and Over again
Remind me of my loneliness
…and Hornyness
You just put ideas in my head
That aren't appropriate to be discussed outside of bed
True that I barely know you
False that I don’t want to try
Lets keep this scholarly;
I want to know all your angles
Have you showing me formulas, fractions and theories
Listen to you
Have you strum those bass strings
Get down
Playing with all your X's and Y's
I'd be studying all the time
Solving your triangle
You reaching your mass
And I can witness your volume
Only you will understand what I mean
When I state "Lets subtract X from Z"
Yeah its nerdy, but I'm just trying to be flirty
I'm trying to say, lets start over
Tutor session;
Books, Pens, Pencils
Beds, Cars, Floors, clothes..
I'm getting off track again
Hi my names Desperate,
And you must be Perfect.

- KF

Until She Cries

The tears started with one little argument
Two stressed out kids
Three weeks later
Forty dollars spent
No more "Us"
No more "Together"
There was no understanding
Especially no talking
It ends that way
Was all destroyed in these few days
That very last night
When it was all a fight
He made her cry
That one last night

One month later
She cries and she tries
He's already over it, and she's still inside
She's back to business
Back to the reality of heart break
How can she lose a best friend and her guy, all with one line?
Its on to the next one

Spring time summer time shine
She could be glowing
But she's still matte
The next one was a user
A great resource abuser
She was so anxious
She completely ignored it
Until the day she gave out one more chance
One more chance at destroying loneliness
He didn't take this last chance
Now she's crying
Debating if she continues trying
No more late nights and
"I don’t trust you" fights
He shrugged it all off, without all her care
That’s when he made her cry
That one last time

The first love followed by the one
That never was
She drives away shy
Doesn’t exactly know how to say good-bye
She's still trying to learn to let go
Once she's attached
Its gridlock;
Until he makes her cry that one last time
Then she's done, and she attaches herself to the next guy
Until he'll make her cry.
That one last time.

-KF

4 W's and Fuck

Who the fuck are you
What's your name, what's your sign
Is that your name in his phone
Is that your text, call and voicemail

What the fuck is this
What colors your shirt, what size are your jeans
Is this your dress on the floor
Is this your sale item from the rack, filling up my space

When the fuck was this
What's your class schedule like, what's your favorite coffee shop
Is this your receipt from being with him
Is this your piece of shit coffee mug in his car

Where the fuck were you
When I started to fall
Where were you when I've worked so hard
For all his attention, all of his care
Who are you to think
That’s its just this easy;
To walk in and walk out
Some of us care
Some of us try
And who the fuck are you
And what the fuck is this
And when the fuck was this
And where the fuck were you when I fell hard, and he walked past me

- kf 2/12/2010

No, Oh

You cant force anything
No no no
But I can keep trying
Oh oh oh

I'll admire from a far
And Ill still get jealous every text you get
But you cant force anything
No no no
But I'll keep making moves
Oh oh oh

I'll still call you every morning noon and night
And if you don’t answer, I still might call back
But I can't force anything
No no no
But you'll just keep playing dumb
Oh oh oh

I'll still tell you I need advice
And if you don’t help, I'll still expect you to make me smile
But you can't force anything
No no no
But I'll keep holding it all back
Oh oh oh

Ill still ask you about HER
And knowing you, you'll still not make a move
But we're not forcing anything
No no no
And we're still always together
Oh oh oh

You'll still brush me off, pretend you don’t see
That everything I say, I say to impress thee
But you're not forcing anything
No no no
And you're still not speaking up
Oh oh oh

I'll still fall head over heels for you
Every glance you give, every hug I ask for
But I'm trying hard not to force anything
No no no
And I'm still waiting
So so so

- kf 2/12/2010

No, Oh

I feel like I have no life
No freedom
No argument
I'm trapped in a place I should admire,
The place I dream about and desire

Day by day it gets harder
More fighting, more rights and wrongs
No matter what song is playing
Only one vocals is used
My opinion doesn’t matter
As my negative pocket becomes fatter, and fatter

I can't leave
I can't have people over
I can't do anything right
I can't even defend myself in a fight

Its all black and white, and I'm a pigment
Sticking to my own judgment, and being punished
A new place needs to be found
That I could, if I wanted, run into the ground
I could have my freedom back
Be independent again
I'll be broke, but baby its fine
If I can come home at 3am, and sleep on the floor
That'll be the pad I adore
Maybe a few friends stay there too
Then we could all party like fools

If only I was responsible.
If only I was financially stable
If only I was allowed to live and learn on my own
Make my mistakes, and start over

No Freedom Vacancy

I feel like I have no life
No freedom
No argument
I'm trapped in a place I should admire,
The place I dream about and desire

Day by day it gets harder
More fighting, more rights and wrongs
No matter what song is playing
Only one vocals is used
My opinion doesn’t matter
As my negative pocket becomes fatter, and fatter

I can't leave
I can't have people over
I can't do anything right
I can't even defend myself in a fight

Its all black and white, and I'm a pigment
Sticking to my own judgment, and being punished
A new place needs to be found
That I could, if I wanted, run into the ground
I could have my freedom back
Be independent again
I'll be broke, but baby its fine
If I can come home at 3am, and sleep on the floor
That'll be the pad I adore
Maybe a few friends stay there too
Then we could all party like fools

If only I was responsible.
If only I was financially stable
If only I was allowed to live and learn on my own
Make my mistakes, and start over

- kf 2/12/2010

Before Everything and After

After every smile cracked
After all the tears dropped
After every single word we spoke in harmony

After all those letters we wrote
After all the meals that we cooked
And after every time I love you mentioned
We still couldn’t save us

But perhaps if you tried after all of this ride
All out experiences could have been saved

Before all the heartbreak
Before all the frowns and before all my dreams
Were flipped upside down

Before you wanted a change
Before you saw me afraid
Before you destroyed who I was

Before everything and after
Everything had already been done.

- kf 2/12/2010

And The Question Still Remains

You and Her
Should have never happened
You dropped your standards
And no one raised their glass

You and her
Should look at yourselves
Your attractive, and she isn't even close
You're so sweet, She's more hot headed than heat
She's a bitch, and a snitch
She plays games and she lies
But you're still around with her
Why haven't you said goodbye?

You and her
Should be over now
Take a look at yourselves
You're being played with
Like you were her Barbie
"take me here, take me there"
"if you loved me, you'd show me that you cared"

You deserve better
That’s all I'll say
If you slip up, and the stick turns blue;
You've finally succeeded
In throwing your life away

- kf 2/12/2010

The Opposite

Good night text, good morning call
A question and answer
Exchanges of Yes's and No's
Departure arrivals, and pick up times
Checking balances, and ATM withdrawals
Blunts here, and stop for drinks there
Sit on a seat, or lean on the rail
White smile and green eyes
He seems tough, and she's a bit delicate
Drunken actions on sober thoughts
Laugh it off, and lay it on
Go away, but yet stay near
Strong emotions, challenge weak impulses
Parked up front, we'll talk in the back
Their disappointments, and another's respects
It all becomes the other, but falls apart to the same
The good and the bad, happy and the sad
Its all opposites anyways
Even if we'd rather be the same based on the situation
Love, Heartbroken
Single and Attached
Taking a step or falling back
Him and Her
She and He
You and me.

- kf 2/8/2010

More.

I want to give you;
More than the mailman could ever deliver
More than an email could ever send
More words than a text message could display
More music than once you press play
More smiles than a dentist
More heart throbs than a People Magazine
More miles than the oldest car you could find
More elegant evenings
More sleepy mornings
More crazy days
More creative ways
More things to activate
More ideas for romantic dates
More excuses to stay up late
More conversations to articulate
More Ink to pen
More pen to paper
More memories to bring up again
More tears that have built up over the years
More pictures for your walls
More kisses for your lips
More holding of my hips
More walks in the park
More sneaking out after dark
More hands to hold
More eyes for you to control
More than any other girl before
More than you could even imagine
More arguments about this;
More hints for you to see
That no one has more for you than me.

- kf 4/27/2010

Figure It Out

I'm trying to figure out
If your as easy as an open pocket
Or if I must pick you apart like a locket?
You say so many things
With lesser and lesser details
I can't put my finger on it;
Why you seem to be honest, but I leave feeling
Like nothing was accomplished
How can I stop myself from falling,
If you provide me with not enough railing?
As I walk down the stairs, and I want to believe
That you'll be right there waiting to catch me
If you could open up and explain
Every ounce of your pain,
We'd perhaps finally be on the same page
When I try and think of something to say,
All that comes to my mind is
"Come closer darling"

-kf 2/8/2010